'I like myself the way I am.' I continued working on my model, which was what I had been doing when this conversation started.
'Put down the model, Son.'
I put down the model but kept it in my hands so he would know I was very eager for the conversation to be over.
'Son, this trip means a lot to your mother. She has never had a real vacation in her whole life. Remember last summer when we were all packed to go to the Smokes and you got the measles?'
'Yes.'
'And she stayed home and nursed you and never complained once about it, did she?'
'Well, no.'
'Now she has a chance for a real trip and I want her to have it. I want her to go to Europe and see everything she's wanted to see all her life. And I don't want her to be worried about you the whole time. As long as she thinks you don't want to go to the farm, she is going to worry.'
'But I don't want to go.'
My father sighed. 'You don't have to let her know that. For once in your life you could think of someone besides yourself!'
Sometimes when my dad said something like that to me-well, I wouldn't actually cry or anything; my nose would just start to run. I did this all the time really. One time after school my teacher said, 'Tom, I am very disappointed in you. You simply are not working up the capacity this terrible.'
Well I wanted to tell her that I could not work up to the capacity sometimes, the same ....as .....anybody else, that she need not expect me to be perfect just because my parents were teachers, only I could't say anything because my nose started to run.
Now, I put my hand up to my nose and said, 'All right, I want to go to the farm.' Then I picked up my model and started pretending to work, because my eyes were kind of wet too.
My father never knew when to leave me alone. Now was the time for him to say, 'Fine,' and walk out of the room. Instead he just stood there. After a minute he cleared his throat and said, 'You won't be sorry, son. You're doing a fine thing for your mother.'
Silence from me. Nose running worse than ever. Could't even see what pieces I was forcing together.
'And I bet -I just bet that you're going to have the time of your life on that farm. Millie says they've got some baby pigs. I bet you can have one.'
...'I have always wanted a baby pig,' I said. I thought sure he would know I was being sarcastic, because no one has always wanted a baby pig. Maybe some farm girls would see one little pig that didn't look too bad and say, 'Hey, let's dress it up,' and they would play with it and feed it from a baby bottle, but no one has always wanted a baby pig.
But my father seemed pleased and clapped me on the back. 'Good going!' This was what he said to his players when one of them .......
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