【中文版15】克里斯·沃斯：如何消除阻碍谈话成功的绊脚石

2023-09-13 22:38:5309:14 3328

声音简介

【Background】

【背景介绍】

您好，欢迎来到《全球精英的5分钟成长学院》，今天，前FBI谈判专家克里斯·沃斯将继续和我们分享他谈判的秘诀，今天他要讲的是“如何消除阻碍交易成功的绊脚石”

When we enter negotiations, it’s a fact that our brains tend to spend more energy worrying about what might go wrong than focusing on what could go right. We’re worried about losing precious ground. Losing face. A smart tactic in negotiations is to find ways of preemptively diminishing these negative emotions in your negotiating partner. This begins with tactical empathy—understanding and labeling their likely concerns.

谈判的时候，我们的大脑往往会花更多的精力去担心可能会出错的事情，而不是专注于可能会顺利推进的事情。我们担心的是失去宝贵的话语权，失去面子。在谈判中，想办法减少谈判伙伴大脑中的这些负面情绪才是聪明的做法，才能先发制人。而想要先发制人，首先要运用同理心策略，也就是说你需要了解并给他们可能出现的担忧贴上标签。

【Course】

【课程】

Preemptnegative thinking

预测对方可能出现的消极思维，并提前打预防针

The definition of empathy is really completely understanding where the other side is coming from, especially emotionally, and then being able to feed it back to them in a way that they signal to you that you’ve got it right. Understand and demonstrate that understanding. So once we completely understand where someone is coming from then with tactical empathy we get a much better feel for exactly how they feel about things, how that drives them.

所谓的“同理心”，其实就是完全洞察对方的想法，尤其是情绪，然后向对方表明你已经明白他们的意思了。注意，你要能够理解对方的意图并且让对方知道这一点。所以，一旦我们完全了解了对方的想法，那么这种“同理心策略”不仅可以让我们更好地了解对方的想法，还可以让我们知道这种想法是如何驱使他们去行动的。

People are so much more driven by avoiding negative things, than avoiding loss, that fear of lossbecomes one of the major determinants in decision-making, almost to the point where our fear of loss far exceeds the actual potential losses that people face. So knowing that fear of loss is probably going to drive someone’s decision-making more than anything else, tactically I want to diffuse those fears. I want to get them out of that fear-based thinking and I want to get them really in a more rational open frame of mind as quickly as I can. Which is why tactically in empathy I want to address their fears first – either the fears that I know that you have

相比于如何避免损失，人们更醉心于如何避免负面事件的发生。对于损失的恐惧成为了影响决策的主要决定因素之一，这种对可能产生损失的恐惧感远远超过了人们在面临实际损失时的恐惧。也就是说，人们对损失的恐惧感是影响决策的最重要的因素。知道这一点后，在战术上我想要消除人们的这些恐惧感。我想让他们从恐惧的思维中解脱出来，我想让他们尽快拥有一个更理性和开放的心态。这就是为什么在运用同理心策略时，我需要首先解决他们的恐惧。

If I’m getting ready to say something that I know you’re not going to like then I’ll say immediately, “You’re not going to like this.” And there’s a very important distinction between recognizing a negative and denying a negative. I would never say to anybody, “Look, I don’t want you to like this” or “I don’t want you to be upset about this.” I never deny a negative. I’d never say I don’t want you to think I’m a bad guy. Those are all denials. I’ll actually say to somebody ahead of time, “Look this is going to sound really harsh. And there’s a really good chance that when I get done saying what I’m going to say you’re not going to like me at all.” And then I’ll say what I have to say and they’ll say, “Wow, that wasn’t that bad.” So I know I can take a very preemptive approach to negative thinking because I know what a barrier it is to decision-making in business

如果我准备说一些我知道对方不喜欢听的话，我会直接说："我接下来要说的话，你可能不太喜欢听。" 要知道，承认负面情绪和否认负面情绪的区别是非常大的。我绝不会对别人说，"听着，我并不指望你能喜欢这一点 "或 "我不希望你为这个烦恼" 。我从不否认别人的负面情绪，也从来不会说“我不希望让你觉得我是个坏人”这种话。这些都是在否认负面情绪。事实上，我会提前和对方说，"我接下来要说的话可能会很难听。而且我说完之后，你很有可能会讨厌我。" 然后我再说我要说的话。而一般情况下，他们听完后会说，"哇，没有你说的那么糟啊。" 所以我知道采取先发制人的手段来处理对方的负面情绪是可行的。我深知负面情绪会给商业决策带来多大的阻碍，所以用这种方法提前消除对方的负面情绪是十分重要的。

Diminish negative emotions

减轻对方的负面情绪

Labeling is the best way to practice tactical empathy. In its strictest form it’s just saying or writing “It seems like, it sounds like, it looks like.” Putting a label on the dynamic on what’s driving people or what you expect will be driving people based on what you’re getting ready to say. And science is showing us now that if we label a negative it diminishes it.

给对方的情绪贴上标签是实践同理心策略的最好方法。它最严格的形式是你说出或写下以这些语句开头的话，比如 "你好像…，你听起来好像…，或者你看起来好像…" 。根据你打算说的话，判断对方可能会产生的想法，然后给对方的反馈或想法打上标签。科学研究表明，给消极的情绪贴上标签后可以削弱它们。

And in a very unscientific fashion I know that there’s at least twice as much space in a brain devoted to dealing with negative emotions as there are to positive emotions. And that’s why Ithink negative emotions are at least double the problem as positive emotions. We’ve really found something we call the accusations audit to be an enormously powerful tool. And it’s taking stock – and it has nothing to do with reason – it’s taking stock of all the ridiculous negative unfair things that the other side might even think about you in advance. And how they feel now or how they might feel and then simply, in a very preemptive fashion, labeling them first.

人的大脑里用来处理消极情绪的部位比用来处理积极情绪的部位至少大两倍，我知道我的这种表述可能不太科学。但这就是为什么我认为和积极的情绪相比，消极情绪至少会将我们面对的问题放大至少两倍。我们发现， "指责评估 "是一个非常强大的工具。什么叫“指责评估”呢？它是指提前列出所有对方可能会认为你荒谬、消极、不公平的事情，当然了这和理智是没有关系的。然后想想他们现在的感受，或者他们可能出现的感受，然后非常简单，以一种先发制人的方式，先给他们贴上这些标签。

I remember one time I was on the phone with a customer service airlines person. And that’s got to be a tough job because those people get yelled at all day long every day. Nobody calls customer service unless they’re unhappy. Clearly she had been yelled at 50 times during the day and she was not interested on staying on the phone with me a moment longer than she had to. And I remember when I was off the phone and she had me on hold I remember saying, “I guarantee you this woman rights now is thinking, she’s saying to her colleagues, ‘This guy is lucky I’m talking to him on the phone at all.’” So I was thinking about the negative of that and then I was thinking aboutthe flip side. Well in her view she thinks I’m lucky to be talking to her on the phone then the flip side of that is she’s actually being generous, in her mind and her world. She came back on the phone and I said to her, “You know what, I really appreciate how generous you’ve been with your time.” And I could tell immediately her frame of mind changed. She put me back on hold for about a minute and a half after that, and when she came back on the phone she had given me a full refund on my ticket.

我记得有一次，我打电话给航空公司的客服人员要求退机票。客服这个工作肯定是十分辛苦的，因为他们每天都会被人骂个没完没了。想想看，你什么时候才会给客服人员打电话？肯定是遇到问题了或者你不高兴的时候。很显然，她白天已经被骂了很多次了，所以她一句话都不想和我多说。我记得在她让我待机的时候，我和旁边的人说，"我敢保证，这位客服小姐姐现在肯定在想，或者在对同事说，'我能接这个人的电话他就应该觉得很走运了。" 接着，我想了想她心中可能会出现的负面想法以及积极想法。负面想法是，在她看来，她能接我的电话是我走运；积极想法是在她的心目中，她觉得自己其实是做了一件很慷慨的事情。于是待机结束后，我对她说："你知道吗，我真的非常感激你能慷慨地付出时间帮我解决问题。" 说完之后，我立刻就感觉到她的心态发生了变化。之后她又让我等了大概一分半钟，等她再接听电话的时候，她告诉我她已经给我全额退票了。

If I can diminish the negative emotions with just some simple labels then I know I can get that stuff out of the way and that’s why I approach it in that fashion, I know what a difference it makes in decisions. The reasons you won’t make a deal are typically more important than the reasons you will make a deal. So if I can get the reasons you won’t make a deal out of the way you’re probably going to make the deal.

如果用一些简单的标签就能减少负面情绪，那么我知道这些负面情绪是可以化解掉的，这就是为什么我用这种方式来解决它的原因，我知道负面情绪会对决策产生多大的影响。导致谈判失败的原因通常比促使谈判成功的原因更加重要，所以如果你能够消除这些会导致你谈判失败的原因，那么你的交易十有八九是会成功的。

【Summary】

【总结】

在这节课里，克里斯沃斯向我们分享了“如何消除阻碍交易成功的绊脚石” ，我们来总结一下今天的课程要点：

Preempt negative thinking

Tactical empathy is the understanding of how people’s emotions drive them. For example, when you know your counterpart is driven by a fear of loss, act to defuse his fear first.

Address the fear specifically. If you suspect your counterpart won’t like what you have to say, begin with “You’re not going to like this…”. Recognize negatives, don’t deny them.

Other useful phrases include: “This is going to sound really harsh.” and “There’s a good chance you’re not going to like me after I say this.

1、给对方可能出现的消极思维打预防针

“同理心策略”就是指弄清楚人们的情绪是如何影响他们的行为的。例如，当你知道对方充满了对损失的恐惧感时，你首先要做的是化解他的恐惧。

根据实际情况处理这种恐惧。如果你怀疑对方不会喜欢你要说的话，就对他说 "接下来我要说的话，你肯定不会喜欢........... "承认负面情绪，而不是否认它。

此外我们还有其他一些有用的话术，比如“我接下来要说的话可能会很难听”。或者，“我说完之后，你很有可能会讨厌我”。

Diminish negativeemotions

Label the emotion that’s driving your counterpart. This includes what you think you see and what you expect to see: “It seems like…” / “It sounds like…” / “It looks like…”

Conduct an accusations audit. Take stock in advance of all negative or unfair things your counterpart may think of you. This includes how they feel now, and how they might feel in response to a specific move. What’s it like to be in your counterpart’s shoes?