心碎的事
今天有太多的广告和宣传说爱。不过何止5月20日，每天人们用尽数字，读音，历史故事，民俗风情，抓住一切时间去庆祝爱，好像只有爱是值得被消费或是促进消费的，而心碎的事都想悄悄的丢在夜晚的风里。于是我问朋友们，还记得上次心碎的时候吗？
【插画作者：汽水喝不完】
看起来我们都不想承认哪有那么多心碎的事，被牵强的掩饰成不过是失望，孤独，在意或者忐忑。就像《破碎故事之心》里没有寄出的信：
---------------------------------------------------------- （以下摘录）
“亲爱的莱斯特小姐：
我希望我的话不会让你烦恼或尴尬。我写下这些，莱斯特小姐，是因为我想让你知道我不是寻常意义上的小偷。我想让你知道，我偷你的包，是因为我在公交车上对你一见钟情。我想不出任何办法来认识你，除了做出这轻率的——确切的说也是愚蠢的——举动。可你知道，恋爱中的人总是愚蠢的。
我爱上你双唇微启的样子。你为我揭开了万事万物的谜底。自从我四年前来到纽约，我从来没有不开心过，但也没有开心过。说起来，我和纽约成千上万的年轻人没什么区别，都只是活着罢了。
我从西雅图来到纽约。我想要变得有钱有名有款有型。但四年过去了，我意识到我不会变得有钱有名有款有型。我是个优秀的印刷小工，仅此而已。有天印刷员病了，我就替他的活。我把事情搞得一团糟啊，莱斯特小姐。根本没人听我的。我叫排字员去工作时，他就咯咯乱笑。我不怪他。我命令别人的时候挺傻的。我想我不过是那数百万从没想过要发号施令的人之一。但我真的无所谓了。我老板刚雇了个23岁的小子。他才23岁，而我已经31了，并且在同一个地方做了四年。但我知道有一天他会变成印刷主管，而我还是当他的小工。但就算这样我也无所谓了。
爱你是我唯一重要的事，莱斯特小姐。有人认为爱是性，是婚姻，是清晨六点的吻，是一堆孩子，也许真是这样的，莱斯特小姐。但你知道我怎么想吗？我觉得爱是想触碰又收回手。
我想对于一个女人来说，嫁给一个外人看来是富有、英俊、聪明或者受欢迎的男人是很重要的。我连受欢迎都谈不上。甚至没有人讨厌我。我只是——我仅仅是——贾斯汀·霍根施拉格。我从没让人感到愉快、难过、生气，哪怕厌烦。我想人们觉得我是个好人，仅此而已。
我小时候从来没人说过我可爱、阳光或是好看。如果他们非得说些什么，他们会说我的腿虽然短还蛮结实的。
我不指望你会回信，莱斯特小姐。虽然你的回信是我在这个世界上最想要的东西，但坦白说我真的不指望。我只想让你知道实情。如果我对你的爱只是把我带向新的沉痛，那也是我活该。
也许有一天你会理解并且原谅我这个笨拙的仰慕者，
贾斯汀·霍根施拉格”
“Dear Miss Lester:
“I hope a few lines will not annoy or embarrass you. I’m writing, Miss Lester, because I’d like you to know that I am not a common thief. I stole your bag, I want you to know, because I fell in love with you the moment I saw you on the bus. I could think of no way to become acquainted with you except by acting rashly—foolishly, to be accurate. But then, one is a fool when one is in love.
“I loved the way your lips were so slightly parted. You represented the answer to everything to me. I haven’t been unhappy since I came to New York four years ago, but neither have I been happy. Rather, I can best describe myself as having been one of the thousands of young men in New York who simply exist.
“I came to New York from Seattle. I was going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. But in four years I’ve learned that I am not going to become rich and famous and well-dressed and suave. I’m a good printer’s assistant, but that’s all I am. One day the printer got sick, and I had to take his place. What a mess I made of things, Miss Lester. No one would take my orders. The typesetters just sort of giggled when I would tell them to get to work. And I don’t blame them. I’m a fool when I give orders. I suppose I’m just one of the millions who was never meant to give orders. But I don’t mind anymore. There’s a twenty-three-year-old kid my boss just hired. He’s only twenty-three, and I am thirty-one and have worked at the same place for four years. But I know that one day he will become head printer, and I will be his assistant. But I don’t mind knowing this anymore.
“Loving you is the important thing, Miss Lester. There are some people who think love is sex and marriage and six o’clock-kisses and children, and perhaps it is, Miss Lester. But do you know what I think? I think love is a touch and yet not a touch.
“I suppose it’s important to a woman that other people think of her as the wife of a man who is either rich, handsome, witty or popular. I’m not even popular. I’m not even hated. I’m just—I’m just—Justin Horgenschlag. I never make people gay, sad, angry, or even disgusted. I think people regard me as a nice guy, but that’s all.
“When I was a child no one pointed me out as being cute or bright or good-looking. If they had to say something they said I had sturdy little legs.
“I don’t expect an answer to this letter, Miss Lester. I would like an answer more than anything else in the world, but truthfully I don’t expect one. I merely wanted you to know the truth. If my love for you has only led me to a new and great sorrow, only I am to blame.
“Perhaps one day you will understand and forgive your blundering admirer,
Justin Horgenschlag”
但谁说这不是爱的开始呢。
【截图来自电影“心房客”】
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