磨耳朵（痴男怨女回归）-对话小说The Last Tea

来自毒舌Dorothy Parker的另一个痴男怨女的故事，我们来到一间tea room，一个精心打扮的女孩已经在这里等了45分钟，她等待的人终于姗姗来迟...

Theyoung man in the chocolate-brown suit sat down at the table, where the girlwith the artificial camellia had been sitting for forty minutes. 

"GuessI must be late," he said. "Sorry you been waiting."

"Oh,goodness!" she said. "I just got here myself, just about a secondago. I simply went ahead and ordered because I was dying for a cup of tea. Iwas late, myself. I haven't been here more than a minute."

"That'sgood," he said. "Hey, hey, easy on the sugar — one lump is fairenough. And take away those cakes. Terrible! Do I feel terrible!"

"Ah,"she said, "you do? Ah. Wha.dda matter?"

"Oh,I'm ruined," he said. "I'm in terrible shape."

"Ah,the poor boy," she said. "Was it feelin' mizzable? Ah, and it cameway up here to meet me! You shouldn't have done that — I'd have understood. Ah,just think of it coming all the way up here when it's so sick!"

"Oh,that's all right," he said. "I might as well be here as any placeelse. Any place is like any other place, the way I feel today. Oh, I'm allshot."

"Why,that's just awful," she said. "Why, you poor sick thing. Goodness, Ihope it isn't influenza. They say there's a lot of it around."

"Influenza!"he said. "I wish that was all I had. Oh, I'm poisoned. I'm through. I'moff the stuff for life. Know what time I got to bed? Twenty minutes past five,A. M., this morning. What a night! What an evening!"

"Ithought," she said, "that you were going to stay at the office andwork late. You said you'd be working every night this week."

"Yeah,I know," he said. "But it gave me the jumps, thinking about goingdown there and sitting at that desk. I went up to May's — she was throwing aparty. Say, there was somebody there said they knew you."

"Honestly?"she said. "Man or woman?"

"Dame,"he said. "Name's Carol McCall. Say, why haven't I been told about herbefore? That's what I call a girl. What a looker she is!"

"Oh,really?" she said. "That's funny — I never heard of anyone thatthought that. I've heard people say she was sort of nice-looking, if shewouldn't make up so much. But I never heard of anyone that thought she waspretty."

"Prettyis right," he said. "What a couple of eyes she's got on her!" 

"Really?"she said. "I never noticed them particularly. But I haven't seen her for along time—sometimes people change, or something."

"Shesays she used to go to school with you," he said. "Well, we went tothe same school," she said. "I simply happened to go to public schoolbecause it happened to be right near us, and Mother hated to have me .crossingstreets. But she was three or four classes ahead of me. She's ages older than Iam."

"She'sthree or four classes ahead of them all," he said. "Dance! Can shestep! 'Burn your clothes, baby,' I kept telling her. I must have been friedpretty

"Iwas out dancing myself, last night," she said. "Wally Dillon and I.He's just been pestering me to go out with him. He's the most wonderful dancer.Goodness! I didn't get home till I don't know what time. I must look justsimply a wreck. Don't I?"

"Youlook all right," he said.

"Wally'scrazy," she said. "The things he says! For some crazy reason orother, he's got it into his head that I've got beautiful eyes, and, well, hejust kept talking about them till I didn't know where to look, I was soembarrassed. I got so red, I thought everybody in the place would be looking atme. I got just as red as a brick. Beautiful eyes! Isn't he crazy?"

"He'sall right," Jie said. "Say, this little McCall girl, she's had allkinds of offers to go into moving pictures. 'Why don't you go ahead and go?' Itold her. But she says she doesn't feel like it."

"Therewas a man up at the lake, two summers ago," she said. "He was adirector or something with one of the big moving-picture people — oh, he hadall kinds of influence! — and he used to keep insisting and insisting that Iought to be in the movies. Said I ought to be doing sort of Garbo parts. I usedto just laugh at him. Imagine!"

"She'shad about a million offers," he said. "I told her to go ahead and go.She keeps getting these offers all the time."

"Oh,really?" she said. "Oh, listen, I knew I had something to ask you.Did you call me up last night, by any chance?"

"Me?"he said. "No, I didn't call you."

"WhileI was out, Mother said this man's voice kept calling up," she said."I thought maybe it might be you, by some chance. I wonder who it couldhave been. Oh — I guess I know who it was. Yes, that's who it was!"

"No,I didn't call you," he said. "I couldn't have seen a telephone, lastnight. What a head I had on me, this morning! I called Carol up, around ten,and she said she was feeling great. Can that girl hold her liquor!"

"It'sa funny thing about me," she said. "It just makes me feel sort ofsick to see a girl drink. It's just something in me, I guess. I don't mind aman so much, but it makes me feel perfectly terrible to see a girl getintoxicated. It's just the way I am, I suppose."

"Doesshe carry it!" he said. "And then feels great the next day. There's agirl! Hey, what are you doing there? I don't want any more tea, thanks. I'm notone of these tea boys. And these tea rooms give me the jumps. Look at all thoseold dames, will you? Enough to give you the jumps."

"Ofcourse, if you'd rather be some place, drinking, with I don't know what kindsof people," she said, "I'm sure I don't see how I can help that.Goodness, there are enough people that are glad enough to take me to tea. Idon't know how many people keep calling me up and pestering me to take me totea. Plenty of people!"

"Allright, all right, I'm here, aren't I?" he said. "Keep your hairon."

"Icould name them all day," she said.

"Allright," he said. "What's there to crab about?"

"Goodness,it isn't any of my business what you do," she said.

-"ButI hate to see you wasting your time with people that aren't nearly good enoughfor you. That's all."

"Noneed worrying over me," he said. "I'll be all right. Listen. Youdon't have to worry."

"It'sjust I don't like to see you wasting your time," she said, "stayingup all night and then feeling terribly the next day. Ah, I was forgetting hewas so sick. Ah, I was mean, wasn't I, scolding him when he was so mizzable.Poor boy. How's he feel now?"

"Oh,I'm all right," he said. "I feel fine. You want anything else? Howabout getting a check? I got to make a telephone call before six."

"Oh,really?" she said. "Calling up Carol?"

"Shesaid she might be in around now," he said,

"Seeingher tonight?" she said.

"She'sgoing to let me know when I call up," he said. "She's probably gotabout a million dates. Why?"

"Iwas just wondering," she said. "Goodness, I've got to fly! I'm havingdinner with Wally, and he's so crazy, he's probably there now. He's called meup about a hundred times today."

"Waittill I pay the check," I said, "and I'll put you on a bus."

"Oh,don't bother," she said. "It's right at the corner. I've got to fly.I suppose you want to stay and call up your friend from here?"

"Ws anidea," he said. "Sure you'll be all right?"

"Oh,sure," she said. Busily she gathered her gloves and purse, and left herchair. He rose, not quite fulty, as she stopped beside him.

"When'llI see you again?" she said.

"I'llcall you up," he said. "I'm all tied up, down at the office andeverything. Tell you what I'll do. I'll give you a ring."

"Honestly,I have more dates!" she said. "It's terrible. I don't know when I'llhave a minute. But you call up, will you?"

"I'lldo that," he said. "Take care of yourself."

"Youtake care of yourself," she said. "Hope you'll feel all right."

"Oh,I'm fine," he said. "Just beginning to come back to life,"

"Besure and let me know how you feel," she said. "Will you? Sure, now?Well, good-bye. Oh, have a good time tonight!"

"Thanks,"he said. "Hope you have a good time, too."

"Oh,I wilt," she said, "I expect to. I've got to rush! Oh, I nearlyforgot! Thanks ever so much for the tea. It was lovely."

"Beyourself, will you?" he said.

"Itwas," she said "Well. Now don't forget to call me up, will you? Sure?Well, good-by."

"Solong,"he said.

Shewalked on down the little line between the blue-painted tables.