“That’s the biggest bang I’ve ever heard,” Commander Pott said. “Now, come on! We’d better get away quick from here before we have to do any explaining. There’s that farmer’s car still coming, and people will have heard that bang as far away as Calais. They’ll even have heard it right across the Channel in England. We’d better steal quietly away, and when we get back to England I’ll go and explain things to Scotland Yard. I bet they won’t make a fuss. Probably even give us all medals! It’s getting dark, and I bet you’re all starving. I know I am.” And he put CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG into gear, and she roared along the cart track just as if she was as hungry and thirsty as all of them.
BUT —
BUT —
BUT —
And again BUT!
As they approached what they thought had been a farmer’s car, they saw it was a big black open tourer, a very powerful-looking car indeed. It had drawn itself right across the track so as not to let them pass, and four men had got out and were standing, or rather crouching down, and three of them had revolvers in their hands. One of them, a huge unshaven giant of a man with shoulders as big as a gorilla’s, came slowly towards where Commander Pott had been forced to pull up. He looked as if he would burst with rage, and his eyes were red with fury and his lips were drawn back from his big yellow teeth in a snarl.
Commander Pott whispered, “I regret to have to announce that that’s Joe the Monster. I’ve seen pictures of him outside police stations. And the other three are his gang — Man-Mountain Fink, who’s escaped from heaven knows how many prisons — he must be on the run now; Soapy Sam — he’s their explosives expert for opening safes (‘soap’ is the crooks’ name for gelignite), and Blood-Money Banks, the blackmailer. Watch out! This is going to be tricky!”
Joe the Monster came up to the car. In his most threatening manner, he growled, “And who might you all be? And what might you all know about that there explosion what’s just taken place?”
Commander Pott said innocently, “Explosion? Explosion?” He turned to the children. “Anyone hear an explosion round here?”
Jeremy said brightly, “There was a bit of a pop just now, Daddy. Over by the cliff. You must have missed it.”
“Bit of a pop!” Joe the Monster almost exploded himself. He turned round. “Hear that, mates?” He said in a mincing voice, “They think they may have heard a bit of a pop.” He turned back threateningly. “Bit of a pop! Call that whopping volcano a bit of a pop? Why, it sounded like the end of the world!” Now his voice was an angry growl. “I saw you folks drive up out of the quarry and I happen, I just happen like, to see a roll of fuse beside those little rascals in the back seat.” (Oh dear, thought Jeremy and Jemima together, we ought to have sat on it!) “So do you know what I’m going to do with you and this saucy-looking bus of yours?” He gave a great cackle of cruel laughter. “Why, in exchange for you having blown up my belongings, I’m going to blow up yours and you all with it. See? I’m going to light the end of that fuse and put the lighted end in the petrol tank of your fancy motor-car and up you’ll all go! How do you like the thought of that, eh, my fine little family of meddlers in other people’s business?” He turned to the other gangsters. “Get your guns ready, men, and if any of these rascals try to escape, shoot them down like rabbits. Get it?” The dreadful gangsters cackled with joy at the thought of the sport they were going to have, and the Pott family heard the click of the safety-catches going back.
“Now then, you little monkey in the back there, hand over that length of fuse or it’ll be the worse for you.” And he pointed his revolver straight at Jeremy.
“I won’t,” said Jeremy stoutly, “and if I’m a monkey, you’re the ugliest ape outside the London Zoo.” And he took the roll of fuse and sat on it.
“Ho-ho!” Joe the Monster grimaced with fury at the insult. “You young whipper-snapper. I’ll teach you to do what you’re told,” and he took a big black billy club out of his pocket and walked purposefully towards the car.
Jeremy had butterflies in his tummy at the sight, but out of the corner of his eye he saw Commander Pott’s hand steal across to the little lever that worked the wing mechanism, and as Joe the Monster drew level with the car, Commander Pott pulled the lever sharply down and CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG’s big green mudguards swung sharply out into their wing-shape. The right-hand wing caught Joe the Monster slap in his tummy and sent him flying head over heels.
“Hang on,” shouted Commander Pott. “And keep your heads down.” And he rammed the accelerator down into the floorboards.
CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG leaped forward with an angry roar from her twin exhausts and swooped low at the other three gangsters, who just had time to throw themselves down on their faces or they would have been mown down, like Joe the Monster, by the charging wings. And then the great green aerocar, for that is what she had become, just cleared the top of the gangsters’ car and roared off towards the main road.
Of course the gangsters were soon on their feet and all their guns spat bullets at the swooping green dragon, but Commander Pott zigzagged the wheel, and although there was one bang as a bullet hit the coachwork, the other bullets whistled harmlessly past and the spurting flames of the revolvers got smaller and smaller in the dusk.
“Whew!” said Commander Pott. “That was a narrow shave.”
The others made whewing noises and thanked heaven for the way their magical CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG had saved them from the gangsters’ terrible revenge.
They got to the main road to Calais and Commander Pott eased CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG down on to the smooth surface. She gave a bump or two and then was going like the wind down the empty road, with the big headlamps lighting up the way to the distant glow of Calais and the huge feast of omelettes and roast chicken and ice-cream they were all looking forward to.
They drew up in front of a nice-looking hotel called the Splendide (which, as you’ve guessed, is French for “splendid”) and Commander Pott ordered their rooms, and while they tidied up and had a good scrub (much needed by now, as you can guess!) he ordered the delicious dinner in the bright and cheerful dining-room and went out to look after CHITTY-CHITTY-BANG-BANG, because, as you know, you must always see that your car is cosy and happy for the night before you look after yourself.
Commander Pott filled up the car with petrol and oil and water, checked the batteries and the tyres and drove the car into a comfortable garage beside the hotel. Once he had seen that she seemed contented and in good order, he decided to leave her washing and polishing for the morning, when all the family could help. Then he patted her on her rather hot nose and locked her up for the night and went back into the hotel, where the whole family sat down to their delicious dinner before going up to bed for a wonderful and, I’m sure you’ll agree, well-earned rest.
BUT —
BUT —
BUT —
And again BUT!
Later that night, when they were all fast asleep, a long black car, with Joe the Monster at the wheel and Man-Mountain Fink and Soapy Sam and Blood-Money Banks crouching down in the body of the car, came creeping up to the Hotel Splendide in the darkness and hid itself amongst the shadows down a side turning.
Joe the Monster and his gang, still bent on revenge, crept round the ground-floor windows of the sleeping hotel, looking for a way to break in and get at Commander Pott and his family.
And once again Commander Caractacus Pott and Mimsie and Jeremy and Jemima were in mortal danger!
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