Resources from Practical Psychology
loving yourself has many benefits from
an increase of self-esteem to a boost of
confidence the act of self-love is
greatly responsible for many positive
benefits of your psyche and your
identity however there seems to be one
problem when it comes to loving
ourselves we don't really know how to do
it so first off what is self-love
simply put self-love is treating
yourself similar to the way that you
treat someone else that you love and I
think to understand this we must also
understand what is love well in the
English language love is twofold
it's a feeling but it can also mean in
action you feel love as in the feeling
for your cat but you also show love as
in the action for your cat whenever you
feed them the feeling does not require
the action however the action usually
invokes the emotion of love so almost
everyone knows what love actually feels
like but maybe you don't know what
actions that I'm referring to when I
speak of being loving the actions that
we correlate with love are things like
taking care of someone else's needs like
a parent feeding their child being
thoughtful in your behavior to help
someone out like a boyfriend buying
flowers to cheer up his girlfriend
sacrificing your own wants for someone
else's needs like maybe a friend
skipping a movie date to visit a
friend's funeral and we also think of
them as inside our in-group in other
words we will fight for them like if
your brother stands up for you in front
of your parents now there are also
excuses that we commonly misrepresent as
love but they're not actually love for
example number one would be tolerating
bad behavior because are you truly a
loving parent if you let your kid be bad
just because you don't want to punish
them and also it's not love when you
sacrifice your own needs for someone
else's needs this is usually called
warship it's not necessarily love and
lastly we have an intense or burning
sexual desire this also is not love it's
sexual desire this also is not love it's
called lust and if you're still confused
don't worry after I get done explaining
a little bit about how an ego works I'm
gonna give you 11 actual ways to love
yourself so when it comes to loving
yourself all you have to do is treat
yourself like you treat a friend that
you love would you let your friend eat
12 hot cakes in a row you definitely
warn them of the dangers of eating so
much right would you like
friend watch Netflix be sad all day or
would you go over and try to cheer them
up try to get them out of the house
would you let your friend lie to you
would you let your friend go through a
nasty breakup alone what about letting
them get back with their nasty ex would
you let them say negative things about
themselves and would you let your friend
hurt themselves hopefully if you're a
good friend you wouldn't let them do any
of these things and hopefully if you
love yourself you also wouldn't let
yourself do any of these things why is
it then sometimes so difficult to treat
ourselves the same way that we treat our
friends that we love the difference
between you and your friend in these
type of thought experiments is notably
one thing ego your friend doesn't have
an ego or at least you don't comprehend
it when you're making decisions about
your behaviors towards them you do have
an ego though your ego usually prevents
you from acting on yourself in the same
way that you'd act on a friend let me
use myself as an example my name is
Theodore everything that I've done in the past
those are my behaviors they are
basically a summary of Who I am
now everything that I think about myself
those are my thoughts they are who I
think I am now the difference between
these two who I am and who I think I am
is just ego see ego likes to add titles
fancy names special privileges and
juiced-up copy written adjectives to
make your actions seem more important
than they actually are and for good
reason too but I'll talk about those in
another video so here's something called
the do think dichotomy I do create
YouTube videos that's a behavior however
I think I'm successful on YouTube that
is part of my ego I do have a four year
relationship with my girlfriend a
behavior I think I'm a loving caring person ego
I do take friends on many vacations and
I think I'm a generous likable guy now
because of our ego we can't clearly see
what we actually do now but you can
usually very clearly see what our
friends do and because of this we don't
treat ourselves the same way that we
treat our friends so why am I getting
into this because a part of self-love
includes understanding how your identity
forms now the goal in self-improvement
is usually to get rid of your ego and
see yourself objectively for who you are
in other words to see the true behaviors
that you've done in the
in short the identity of who you are is
who you were in the past so if you want
to change who you think you are all you
got to do is change what you've done in
the past you might be sitting back in
your chair and going but Theodore you
can't change the past you're right you
can't change the past but you can create
it by altering the present so all in all
if you want to change who you are you
change what you are doing you give your
future self proof that you are a certain
type of person by acting a specific type
of way and you do that today does that
make sense so back to self love if you
want to love yourself you have to change
your present behavior until that present
behavior becomes past tense then
whatever that self-love action behavior
was it eventually turns into past tense
then you turn into someone who can say I
have a history of loving myself which
also is synonymous with I love myself
overall you start to love yourself when
the good traits that you would name
yourself with outweigh the bad traits
that you would name yourself with you
might think that you're lazy boring and
not fun to be around well you just have
to perform some behaviors that turn lazy
into productive boring into adventurous
and not fun into fun it all starts with
your behavioral change
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