源自可可英语，翻译详见原网页https://www.kekenet.com/Article/202002/605349.shtml
Wedding Blues
婚后忧郁
Hello. I'm Mike Procter.
And I'm Marina Santee. Welcome toSpotlight. This programme uses a special English method of broadcasting. It iseasier for people to understand, no matter where in the world they live.
"It was strange. We had spentmonths saving money and planning. We wanted to make sure everything wasperfect. Then, in a single day it was all over. I thought what now?"
"There did not seem to beanything to talk about afterwards. There was nothing to look forward to. I feltreally depressed — it was horrible."
"Afterwards I wondered whatit was all for. I suppose I just expected more."
"For better or worse — tilldeath do us part." On the day of their wedding, a man and a woman promiseto stay together for life. But what happens when the man or woman of yourdreams suddenly seems to change? And it all happens after one day — yourwedding day! The day you got married!
More and more people areexperiencing the "wedding blues". In other words, after they getmarried they feel depressed, "blue". This kind of experience iscalled postnuptial depression.
Hayley Brown is thirty-one yearsold. She is one of many women who have experienced postnuptial depression. Shespent eighteen months planning the big event — the wedding! She and her futurehusband wanted everything to be perfect! The time leading up to the wedding wasfull! Plans, plans and more plans! There was the list of people to invite.There were the flowers, the food, the place, the people and the clothes! Andthen there was the honeymoon — where to go for their holiday after the wedding.
But, after all this — suddenlythere was nothing to plan! When they returned from their honeymoon, Hayley feltdepressed. She said,
"Like lots of women I went ona diet nine months before I got married. I wanted to look good on the day. Butafterwards I wondered what it was all for."
Hayley is not alone! Philip Hodsonis a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Hesaid that one in ten women suffer from postnuptial depression. So what are thecauses? And, what can they do about it?
Doctor Jane Greer is a marriageand family advisor. She says that a major cause of problems is raisedexpectations. A husband and a wife usually know each other before they marry.They know what each other can and cannot do. But marriage somehow changes theirexpectations.
So, lower your expectations andall will be fine? Well, not exactly! But looking at things as they really arewill help! Many people have a false idea of love and marriage. They expect itto be like the love stories in the films. Doctor Greer says,
"Do not feel troubled if yourhusband cannot fix everything around the house. A wedding ring on your fingerdoes not make him Super-husband. And it does not make you Super-wife."
Marriage needs work straight away,says Doctor Greer. You should know this from the start. Then, you are lesslikely to get a horrible shock later. You should make time for each other fromthe beginning. Then you can avoid problems later on.
Experts give simple useful ideasto avoid the "wedding blues":
After you marry, start a newpastime, something you enjoy. It could be an exercise class. It could bepainting. It could be running! Anything! You will have spent many monthsfilling your time with wedding plans. So, you need to do something to fill thattime. This can be with your husband or wife. Or it can be without. But do notdo everything together! If you do, you may start to miss being independent.
Ask your successful marriedfriends for help and advice!
Seek advice before you getmarried. Go to your local church or advice centre.
Make time for each other.
Remember, conflict does not meanit is all over. Relationships take work.
Talk to your husband or wife aboutyour feelings. He or she may be feeling the same way.
Do not expect marriage to be theanswer to all your problems.
Try and keep your love alive afterthe honeymoon!
If your feelings of depression donot go away — seek help from a doctor.
And finally, do not follow thelead of the famous like Britney Spears or J-Lo! Give your marriage some time!
Paula Hall is a RelationshipPsychotherapist. She helps married people. Paula offers advice on the Internet.She says the most common areas of disagreements are money, housework and sex.But she says that often these arguments have deeper roots. For example, ahusband and wife may argue about money. But the real problem could be about aperson’s sense of value or power in the relationship. Paula says,
"We all need to feel valuedas human beings. But there are times when the way our husband or wife spendsmoney can make us feel worthless."
"Often the real issues are aboutfairness, respect, care and love."
Experts say that these are thingsthat every marriage needs to succeed in the long term —— respect, care andlove. But how do husbands and wives manage this every day? Every month? Everyyear?
I spoke to one of our recently marriedproducers. I asked her how she and her husband managed. She said,
"Marriage is a great joy. Butit is not always easy. One thing that helps us is turning to God each day. Wepray about our marriage. We ask God to help us to always respect each other. Wepray that we will always act as a team, even during the difficult times. I prayfor my husband. And he prays for me. It is hard to be angry with someone whomyou pray for daily!
We have found that when we invite God intoour marriage, it is stronger. We feel closer. We feel more love for each other.When we forget to put God first we start to feel a distance between us. Wefight more. And we are not as patient with each others mistakes. God is a tiethat helps hold us together. The Christian Bible says, 'if God is for us whocan be against us?'"
用户评论