【英文版14】Chris Voss： Get Your Counterpart to Reveal Her Cards

【Background】

【背景介绍】

您好，欢迎来到《全球精英的5分钟成长学院》，今天，前FBI谈判专家克里斯·沃斯将继续和我们分享他谈判的秘诀，今天他要讲的是“如何让对方透露自己的底牌”。

Successful negotiation isn’t about “getting to yes”. It’s about working together to arrive at the best possible solution for both parties. The pressure we feel to “get to yes” in so many areas of our lives makes us automatically defensive, holding our latitude cards close to our chest in negotiations, afraid of losing something precious. FBI negotiator Chris Voss recommends starting with “no” instead. “Yes,” he observes, iscommitment, while “no” is protection. The trick is to offer this protection to the other party. If you start by explicitly giving the other side permission to protect herself, you’re both more open to listening and negotiating.

成功的谈判并不是指双方都说了“Yes”，而是在于双方经过通力合作，达成了对彼此最有利的协议。在生活的众多领域中，我们都感受了“达成协议“的压力，这种压力使我们自动采取了防御性的态度，在谈判中紧紧抓住自己的底牌，害怕利益受损。FBI谈判专家克里斯-沃斯建议从说 "不 "开始。他认为，说"是"意味着承诺，而说"不"则会给自己带来安全感。他的诀窍是向对方提供这种安全感。如果你一开始就明确地允许对方保护自己，那么你们双方都会更加愿意倾听和谈判。

下面我们来听听克里斯·沃斯是如何说的。

【Course】

【课程】

You know, successful negotiation is not about getting to “yes,” it’s about mastering “no” and understanding what the path to an agreement is. Now people are constantly trying to trap us by giving us to say “yes.” I mean we get hammered on this every single day. Lawyers actually have a term for it; they call it cornering – trying to lead us places by getting us to say “yes” – that we get defensive instantly when someone tries to get us to say “yes.” So you’ve got to get out of the getting to “yes” mindset. Instead understand that “yes” is commitment and we’re always worried about what we’ve let ourselves in for when we make a commitment.

要知道，成功的谈判并不是要让对方说出 "是"，而是要掌握让对方说 "不"的诀窍，并弄清楚如何才能使双方达成协议。如今，别人不断地给我们设下陷阱，好让我们说 "是"。可以说我们几乎每天都会在这个问题上受到打击。在法律界，其实有一个专门的术语来称呼这种行为："诱导性发问"。这种行为试图通过让我们说 "是 "来引导我们说出对方想听的东西。因此，当有人试图让我们说 "是"的时候，我们会立刻警觉起来。所以，你必须从说"是"的心态中走出来。相反，我们要明白说"是"是一种承诺，而当我们做出承诺的时候，我们总是担心自己会陷入某种困境。

So the way you master “no” is understanding what really happens when somebody says “no.” When “yes” is commitment, “no” is protection. If you say “no” and you just protected yourself, you’re actually a little more open to hearing what the other side has to say. Because you’re not worried about what you’ve committed yourself to. So you can take most questions that are designed to get “yes” and simply turn them into the same question where the answer is “no” and it gets you to the same place. If a boss gives an employee an impossible task and the employee says, “Well you want me to be successful don’t you?” That’s pushing for a “yes.” The flip side question to that instead is, “Do you want me to fail?” It’s stunning what people are comfortable saying “no” to. So first of all understanding that you can use a “no” to make somebody feel protected and a little more open-minded to hearing what you have to say.

所以，要想掌握说 "不 "的方法，就得弄清楚当有人说 "不 "的时候，到底会发生什么。说"是"会让对方觉得自己给出了承诺，而说"不"会让对方产生安全感。如果你说了 "不"，那你就是保护了自己，所以你会更愿意听对方说话。因为你并不担心自己是不是做出了什么承诺。所以，你可以把大多数旨在得到 "是 "的问题，简单地把它们变成答案是 "不 "的问题，这会取得同样的效果。比如说，老板给员工布置了一项不可能完成的任务，员工问："你希望我把这件事做成功，是吗？" 那这种问题会推动老板给出 "是"的回答。如果反过来问，那这个问题就是"你想让我失败吗？" 而相应地，老板会说：“不，不是的”。要知道人们在说"不 "的时候，感觉是非常舒服的。所以你首先需要明白的就是，让别人说 "不 "会给他们带来安全感，然后他们会更愿意听你说话。

Now the second move after that is what do you want them to say next. What you really want them to say is “that’s right.” You want to be able to summarize how they feel about things and what the circumstances are so that they feel that you got it, so much so that they look you in the eye and say, “That’s right.” And that’s what we say at any given point in time when we see something that we know is completely true, that we’re in complete agreement. We say “that’s right” almost as if we’re so totally behind it – it may even have been a partial epiphany we’re so behind it. We’ve just heard something that we feel is the indisputable truth. And in many cases a really good “that’s right” is summarized in a way that the other person was actually blind to. They didn’t know that those forces were driving them or those passions, but when you say it to them it creates an epiphany on some level where you pointed something out to them that’s true that they didn’t even realize.

第二步，就是你希望接下来他们会说些什么。显然，你非常希望他们会说 "你说的对，就是这样！"而要做到这一点，你必须能够理解他们的想法以及处境，这样他们才会觉得你真的了解他们。这时，他们甚至会看着你的眼睛说："你说的对，就是这样。" 当我们认为自己看到的完全正确时，我们就会这么说。当我们激动地说“你说的对，就是这样！”的时候，我们好像完全赞同对方----甚至有时是突然意识到：哦，原来我们是赞同对方的观点的啊。我们认为自己刚刚听到的都是一些不争的事实。而很多情况下，说出对方容易忽视的点，会让他们发自内心地感叹"对，就是这样 "。他们不知道是哪些力量或激情在驱使着自己，但听到你说出来的时候，他们就会在某种层面上产生一种顿悟，你指出了一些甚至他们自己都没有意识到的事实。

They’re showing us and telling us that they feel empathy from us. And any time you feel empathy from somebody else you feel bonded to them. You want to collaborate with them. You want to do whatever you can for them. And that’s a great way to find out what kind of latitude somebody has in a deal. And everybody’s got latitude someplace. What you want to do is put people in a position where they feel connected enough to you that they’re willing to collaborate with you, they’re willing to show you the things that they were scared to tell you about before. The cards that everybody holds in a negotiation that, if you could just see those cards, you might be able to negotiate a completely different deal.

他们向我们展示并告诉我们，他们从我们身上感受到了共鸣。而不管什么时候，只要你从别人那里感受到了共鸣，你就会觉得和他们有了联系。你会想和他们合作。你想为他们做任何你能做到的事情。这也是用来发现别人在交易中的自主权的好方法。而每个人都是有一定的自主权的。你要做的是，让人们觉得和你有足够的联系，愿意和你合作，愿意向你透露他们之前不敢告诉你的事情。在谈判中，每个人手中都握有底牌，如果你能看到这些牌，你可能就能达成一个完全不同的交易。

That’s where this entire approach is really going because everybody has cards they’re not showing in a negotiation. Everybody. And if you can get the other side to show you those cards – we call them black swans, the little things that make all the difference – if you can get them to show you the black swans, to reveal those black swans, then you can probably make a better deal than you’ve ever had in mind.

这个策略的真正目的，就是看到对手的底牌，因为在谈判中，每个人都有一些不会展示给对手看的底牌。每个人都有。 如果你能让对方向你展示这些牌，我们称这些底牌为黑天鹅，所谓的黑天鹅就是指那些能产生极大影响的小事情。如果你能让他们向你展示这些黑天鹅，那么你所能达成的交易，绝对是你之前想都不敢想的。

【Summary】

【总结】

在这节课里，克里斯沃斯向我们分享了如何让对方透露自己的底牌 ，我们来总结一下今天的课程要点：

1.Master“No”

·        Get out of the “getting-to-yes” mindset. “Yes” suggests a commitment, which puts people on guard.

·        “No” provides protection, which opens people up. Reframe yes-oriented questions to elicit a “no” instead.

1.    学会说“不”

ž   走出让别人说“是”的思维模式。说“是”意味着做出承诺，会让人产生防备心理。

ž   说“不”的时候，人们会产生安全感，会更愿意倾听。所以，你应该尝试，把希望让别人回答“是”的问题改成让人们说“不”的问题。

2.Gofor a “That’s right!”

·        Summarize how your counterpart feels and what her circumstances are. The ideal move toward “That’sright!” summarizes something your counterpart is blind to. It creates an epiphany.

·        Your counterpart’s “That’sright!” indicates that she feels empathy from you. This creates a bond, which primes her for collaboration.

·        Your goal is to put people in a position where they’re willing to reveal any latitude they may have in the negotiation.

2.   争取让对方说“你说的对，就是这样！”

ž   总结对方的感受和她的现状。如何让对方说出：你说的对，就是这样？最好的方法是总结一些对方没有注意过的东西。使对方产生醍醐灌顶的感觉。

ž   如果对方说 “你说的对，就是这样！" 这表明他从你身上感受到了同理心。这就产生了一种联系，为你的他的合作做好了准备。

ž   这个策略的目标，就是让对方愿意透露在他们自主权范围以内，他们可以做到的事。

本节目英文版音频和视频均由美国Big Think Edge 独家授权，中文版由喜马拉雅制作播出。感谢收听，我们下集节目再见！