19 Bathsheba and Gabriel

19 Bathsheba and Gabriel
　　Gabriel arrived at Boldwood's house about five minutes after the shooting. The villagers were all shocked and silent，but Bathsheba was sitting on the floor，calmly holding Troy's head.
　　‘Gabriel，’she said simply，‘I'm afraid it's too late，but ride to Casterbridge for a doctor. Mr Boldwood has shot my husband Gabriel obeyed at once，and while riding along was tinking so hard about the shooting that in the darkness he failed to notice a man walking along the road to Casterbridge. That man was Boldwood，on his way to Casterbridge to confess to his crime.
　　Bathsheba ordered the body to be removed to her house，and by herself she washed and dressed her dead husband for burial. But when the doctor，the vicar and Gabriel arrived，and she no longer needed to be strong，her self-control finally broke，and she became very ill. On the doctor's advice she was put to bed，and her illness continued for several months.
　　At his trial the following March Boldwood was found guilty of murder，for which the usual punishment was death. However，Weatherbury people began to protest publicly that he should not be held responsible for the crime. Over the last few weeks the villagers had noticed how his moods changed from wild despair to feverish excitement. He had forgotten his farm and even lost the previous year's harvest. And a pile of carefully wrapped parcels of dresses and jewels was found at his house，addressed to‘Bathsheba Boldwood’and dated six years ahead. These were accepted by the judges as signs of his mad-ness，and in the end Boldwood was sent to prison for life. Gabriel knew that Bathsheba blamed herself for Troy's death，and would have blamed herself even more for Boldwood's.
　　Her health improved only very slowly. She hardly ever went out of the house or garden，and did not discuss her feelings with anyone，even Liddy. But by the summer she was begin-ning to spend more time in the open air，and one August evening she walked to the churchyard. She could hear the village children inside the church practising their singing for Sunday. She went straight to Fanny's grave，and read Troy's words on the large gravestone：
　　This stone was put up by Francis Troy in loving memory of Fanny Robin，who died on October 9，1866，aged 20Underneath，on the same stone，were the words she had added：
　　In the same grave lies Francis Troy who died on December 24，1867，aged 26
　　As she listened to the sweet voices of the children coming from the church，and thought of the pain she had experienced in her short life，tears came to her eyes. She wished she were as innocent as those children again. She was still crying when she suddenly noticed Gabriel Oak，who had come up the path on his way to the church，and was watching her sympathetically.
　　‘Are you going in？’she asked，trying to dry her tears.
　　‘I was，’he replied. ‘I'm one of the church singers，you know，and tonight's my practice evening. But I don't think I'll go in now. ’There was a pause，while they both tried to think of something to say. At last Gabriel said slowly，‘I haven't seen you，to speak to，for a long time. Are you better now？’
　　‘Yes，I am，’she replied. ‘I came to look at the gravestone. ’
　　‘Eight months ago it happened！’said Gabriel. ‘It seems like yesterday to me. ’
　　‘And to me it seems like years，long years ago. ’
　　‘There's something I must tell you，’said Gabriel，hesitating. ‘The fact is，I won't be your farm manager much longer. I'm thinking of leaving England，and farming in America. ’
　　‘Leaving England！’she cried in surprise and disappoint-ment. ‘But everyone thought you would rent poor Mr Bold-wood's farm and manage it yourself！’
　　‘The lawyers have offered it to me，it's true. But I'll be leaving Weatherbury next spring. I have my reasons. ’
　　‘And what shall I do without you？Oh Gabriel，we're such old friends！You've helped me so much in the past，and now that I'm more helpless than ever，you're going away！’
　　‘It's unfortunate，’said Gabriel unhappily. ‘It's because of that helplessness that I have to go，’and he walked so guickly out of the churchyard that she could not follow him.
　　In the next few months Bathsheba noticed miserably that Gabriel communicated with her as little as possible，and then only by messenger. She could not avoid thinking that he，the last friend she had，had lost interest in supporting her，and was about to desert her. On the day after Christmas she received the letter from him which she had been expecting. In it he explained that he would leave the farm in three months’time.
　　Bathsheba sat and cried bitterly over this letter. She was deeply hurt that Gabriel no longer loved her. She was also worried about having to manage the farm by herself again. She thought about it all morning，and was so depressed by the afternoon that she put on her cloak and found her way to where Gabriel lived. She knocked at the door.
　　‘Who is it？’said Gabriel，opening the door. ‘Oh，It's you，mistress！’
　　‘I won't be your mistress much longer，will I，Gabriel？’she said sadly.
　　‘Well，no，I suppose not. ’
　　Because these two people，who knew each other well，were meeting in a strange place，they felt like the strangers they were when they first met，and neither spoke for a moment.
　　‘Gabriel，perhaps I shouldn't have come，but I—I thought I must have offended you，and that's why you're going away.
　　‘Offended me！You couldn't do that，Bathsheba！’
　　‘Couldn't I？’she said gladly. ‘But then why are you going？’
　　‘I'm not going to America，you know. I decided not to，when you seemed against the idea. No，I've arranged to rent Mr Boldwood's farm，and I could have been your farm manager as well，if—well—if people hadn't said things about us. ’
　　‘What？’said Bathsheba，surprised. ‘What things？’
　　‘Well，if you must know，that I'm just waiting and hoping for the chance to marry you some day. ’
　　‘Marry me！That's too foolish—too soon—to think of！’
　　‘Yes，of course，it's foolish. I certainly agree. ’
　　‘“Too soon”were the words I used. ’
　　‘I'm sorry，but I think you said“too foolish”. ’
　　‘I'm sorry too，’she replied with tears in her eyes. ‘“Too soon”was what I said. But it doesn't matter a bit，not at all—but I only meant“too soon”. Indeed，you must believe me！’
　　Gabriel looked into her face for a long time. ‘Bathsheba，’he said，coming closer，‘If I only knew one thing—whether you'd allow me to love you，and marry you after all—if I only knew！’
　　‘But you never will know，’she whispered.
　　‘Why not？’
　　‘Because you never ask. ’
　　‘Oh！’said Gabriel delightedly. ‘My darling—’
　　‘You should never have sent me that cruel letter this morning. It shows you don't care a bit about me！’
　　‘Now Bathsheba，’he said，laughing，‘you know very well that I had to be very careful，as a single man working for you，a good-looking young woman. I've been so worried about your good name. That's why I was going to leave. ’
　　‘And that's the only reason？Oh，I'm so glad I came！’she cried thankfully，as she got up to leave. ‘I've thought so much more about you since I imagined you didn't even want to see me again. But Gabriel，I shouldn't have come to visit you！I seem to be courting you！How awful！’
　　‘Well，I've courted you，my beautiful Bathsheba，for a very long time，so one visit from you isn't much to ask. ’
　　As he walked back to the farmhouse with her，they talked of his plans for Boldwood's farm. They spoke very little of their feelings for each other. They were such old friends that expressions of love were probably unnecessary. Their shared interests and their long，friendly relationship had given them a complete understanding of each other's character，and this finally developed，after their wedding，into a love that nothing could destroy.




■ 19 芭丝谢芭与盖伯瑞尔
　　枪击事件过去约五分钟后，盖伯瑞尔来到伯德伍德的家。村民们都被震慑住了，一言不发。芭丝谢芭坐在地上，平静地捧着托伊的头。
　　“盖伯瑞尔，”她淡淡地说，“恐怕太晚了，请你骑马到卡斯特桥给请个医生来。伯德伍德先生向我丈夫开枪了。”盖伯瑞尔立即遵命行事，他一边骑马前行，一边满脑子考虑枪击托伊的事，所以没有注意到黑暗中有个人也在沿着大路走向卡斯特桥。那个人便是伯德伍德，准备去卡斯特桥坦白自己的罪行。
　　芭丝谢芭吩咐人们把尸体抬到她家，然后独自给死去的丈夫洗净、穿衣，准备埋葬。然而，等医生、牧师、盖伯瑞尔来到时，她便用不着再硬撑了，她便无法再克制自己，病倒了。遵照医生吩咐，人们把她抬到床上。她连续病了几个月。
　　三月份，经过审判，伯德伍德被判犯有杀人罪。这种罪通常是要处以死刑的。然而，威瑟伯里的人们公开抗议，认为他并不应对此罪行负责。在事发前几星期，人们便已经注意到他的情绪发生了变化，原先是绝望之极，后来又激动不安。他完全置农场于不顾，甚至头一年的收成也损失掉了。在他家，人们找到几个精心包好的包裹，装着衣服和首饰上面写着“给芭丝谢芭•伯德伍德，”日期则是六年以后。法官们认为，这表明他已精神失常，因而伯德伍德最终被判终生临禁。盖伯瑞尔明白，芭丝谢芭在为托伊的死而自责，如果伯德伍德死了，她会更加严厉地自责的。
　　她康复得非常之慢，几乎从未出门，也从未同任何人谈起过她自己的感情问题，包括利蒂。不过，夏天到来时，她在户外的时间多起来了，八月的一个傍晚，她走到了教堂墓地。她听见村里的孩子们正在教堂里练习星期天的祷歌。她径直走向范妮墓边，读着大大的墓碑上托伊的话：
　　谨立此碑怀念可爱的范妮•罗宾。
　　她于1866年10月9日逝世，年20岁。
　　立碑人弗兰西斯•托伊
　　在同一墓碑的下方，刻着她加上的字：
　　同一墓穴中安息着弗兰西斯•托伊，他于1867年12月24日逝世，年26岁。
　　她听着教堂里传来的孩子们甜美的嗓音，想着自己这短短的生活中所经历的痛苦，不禁热泪盈眶。她真希望自己也能像那些孩子一般天真无邪。她正哭着，突然注意到盖伯瑞尔•奥克已在向教堂走来，正同情地注视着她。
　　“你要进教堂去吗？”她边问，边把泪水擦干。
　　“我本来要去的，”他答道。“我是教堂唱诗班的，今晚轮到我排练。不过，我现在不想进去了。”两人都顿住了，都在尽力找话说。最后，盖伯瑞尔缓缓地说：“有好长时间没有见你，也没有和你说话了。你现在好些了吗？”
　　“好些了，”她回答。“我来看看这墓碑。”
　　“八个月以前的事了！”盖伯瑞尔说。“可我觉得好像是昨天一样。”
　　“我可觉得像好多、好多年以前似的。”
　　“我有话得告诉你，”盖伯瑞尔犹豫地说。“我不能再为你经管农场了，我在考虑离开英国，去美国种地。”
　　“离开英国！”她喊道，既感到意外，又觉得失望。“可人们都以为你会租下伯德伍德的农场自己经营的呀！”
　　“没错，律师们向我提出来过，可我到春天就要离开威瑟伯里，我有我的理由。”
　　“没有你我怎么办呢？盖伯瑞尔啊，咱们交朋友这么长时间了。过去你给了我那么多的帮助，现在我比任何时候都需要帮助，可你却要走了！”
　　“真是不幸，”盖伯瑞尔不快地说。“就是因为这种无援无助我才不得不走的。”说着，他快步走出墓地，她想跟却没能跟得上他。
　　接下来的几个月，芭丝谢芭痛苦地注意到，盖伯瑞尔一直尽少与她直接交往，最后只与她书信往来了。她不由得认为她这个最后的朋友已不想再帮助她，在准备遗弃她。圣诞节后的那天，她收到了他的信，与她的预料一样。信中，他解释说，他将于三个月后离开农场。
　　芭丝谢芭拿着信坐在那里，伤心地哭了起来。盖伯瑞尔不再爱她，使她感到深受伤害。同时她也因自己又要管理农场而感到担忧。整个上午她都在考虑这件事情，下午来到时，她深感沮丧，于是披上斗篷向盖伯瑞尔的住处走去。她敲了敲门。
　　“谁呀？”盖伯瑞尔一边开门，一边问道。“啊呀，是你呀，主人。”
　　“我当主人不会当几天了，是不是，盖伯瑞尔？”她悲伤地说。
　　“嗯，是的，我想是吧。”
　　此时，这两个彼此相熟的人在新的地方相会，因此，他们都觉得像彼此初次见面时那样陌生，两人都一时无话。
　　“盖伯瑞尔，也许我本不该来，可我——我想肯定是我得罪你了，所以你才想要离开。”
　　“得罪我！你不会得罪我的，芭丝谢芭！”
　　“我不会吗？”她高兴地说。“那你为什么要走呢？”
　　“我不去美国了。我看你似乎不赞成我去，我就决定不去了。我已经打算好租下伯德伍德先生的农场，而且，要不是人们说咱俩的那些话，我还可以给你经管农场。”
　　“什么？”芭丝谢芭诧异地问道。“说咱俩什么？”
　　“呃，如果你真要知道，我告诉你。他们说我在等待并盼望有一天找机会娶你。”
　　“娶我！这太愚蠢——太快了——没法想象！”
　　“当然了，是太愚蠢，我同意。”
　　“我是说‘太快了’。”
　　“对不起，我还以为你说的是‘太愚蠢’呢。”
　　“我也对不起你，”她两眼含着泪回答道。“我说的是‘太快了’，不过这没关系，一点关系都没有——我的意思只是说‘太快了’。真的，你得相信我！”
　　盖伯瑞尔长时间地望着她的脸。“芭丝谢芭，”他说着走近了她，“我真想知道一件事——你让不让我爱你，让不让我娶你——我真想知道！”
　　“可你绝不会知道的，”她悄声地说。
　　“为什么不会？”
　　“因为你从来不问。”
　　“啊！”盖伯瑞尔喜悦地说，“亲爱的——”
　　“你今天早上怎么能把那封残酷的信送给我！那说明你一点也不把我当回事！”
　　“芭丝谢芭，”他笑着说，“你非常清楚，我必须非常小心行事才行，我是个给你干活的单身男人，你却是个漂亮的年轻女人。我一直为你的好名声而担忧，所以我才准备走的。”
　　“就这一个原因？啊，我真庆幸我来了你这儿，”她欣慰地喊道，说着起身准备离去。“自从我以为你不想再见到我以来，我一直在想你呀！可是，盖伯瑞尔，不应该是我来看你！倒像是我在追你！太可怕了！”
　　“不对，是我在追你，漂亮的芭丝谢芭，追了你好久，所以请你来看我一次也不算多。”
　　他陪她走回屋去，一路上，他们谈论着他经营伯德伍德农场的打算，而关于彼此之间的感情却谈得很少。他们二人已相知很深，互相表述爱情或许已无必要。他们二人的共同利益、互相之间的长久友谊已经使他们彼此十分了解对方的性格，而这种了解在他们二人结婚之后，又发展成了一种无坚不摧的爱情。