When I was born my dad decided to make me hope. He told me that my birth was a blessing and he gave me a name to reflect that. But hope was something that was missing in my life. In fact I spent most of my childhood feeling unhappy and alone. And the reason for that might surprise you. I guess I'd better start at the beginning and tell you all about my family. My background is very unusual but I didn't realize that growing up I thought it was normal. But I was very wrong as a child. I lived with my mom my dad and my three younger siblings. But this is where it gets weird. My dad was also married to two other women and these women both had children with my dad as well which means I had 10 siblings.
Overall I grew up in a really tight community in the middle of the countryside away from the rest of the world. My dad was the leader. There were other families in the community too. Those families were all headed by men with multiple wives but those men all knew that dad was the leader and if he wanted he could take their wives away from them and he can marry them instead. We lived in caravans and we didn't go to a normal school. The moms taught us cooking and other skills around the home and dad taught us all about our religion that he was a founder of. He told us that he was the most important person in the world and that we should all worship him. He said that one day the world as we know it would end and it would just be our community that would survive. He taught us that we needed to make our community as big as possible so we had the numbers to make a new world and we would achieve that by the women in the community having as many babies as they could. We were never exposed to the outside world so I didn't know how other people lived. Our community used to move around a lot always to areas as far away from others as possible.
We lived off the grid no TV's no radio no newspapers. We kept animals for food and we grew our own crops. I know what you're thinking you're thinking here right. This sounds so bizarre and I must be exaggerating but this really was my life. There are communities like this out there. It's just that they are hidden away and people don't see them. It sounds really unusual but for me this was normal. When I was 10 we moved to a new campsite. This was different from the previous places where we had lived as we weren't isolated from the rest of the world. We were in our own field but right next to us was a camp site with other people in it or outsiders as Dad called them. Dad told us all that we were banned from going outside of our field or talking to anyone over the fence. He told us that they were dangerous and a threat to our community. But one day I saw two boys playing football next to our field and one of them accidentally kicked their football over the fence. They called out asking if they could have their ball back. I was nervous but I took the ball and I threw it back over. Then one of them started talking to me. It was the first time I had ever spoken to an outsider and I was surprised that they weren't scary. They were nice.
The next day I snuck over the fence and went to play with them. That was when I started to realize that my life was different from others. They lived with their mum and dad. And their dad had no other wives. They were allowed to watch TV and play computer games which I had never seen before. They had never heard of my dad and didn't believe that he was a savior. They thought the whole idea was funny. At first I thought that they were wrong but after a while I started to question what my dad told me and indeed my whole life. It was when I was 13 I knew that things had to change over the years. I had snuck out of the community many times to see how others lived. I was liking the world on the outside more than the life inside. No one knew that I snuck out but I had almost been caught several times. I knew I couldn't keep this up. Another change in my life had been my mom. I could see that she was really unhappy. She had had another two babies in the last three years and was struggling to look after them all especially as dad had announced that he was soon going to marry another two women. That means he would have five wives. So I came up with an idea.
I told Mom that I had been sneaking out and I had met outsiders. I told her that the world out there was better than our lives here. It took a while but I convinced her that we should run away. We came up with a plan that one night Mom. Me and my five siblings would all sneak out and try and get as far away from the community as possible. She told me that she would sneak away from dad that night and come to get me and my siblings. That night came and I waited up all night for mom to come and take us away but she never did. The next day she acted as if nothing had happened. She refused to acknowledge that she had ever planned to run away. She said that our home was in the community and that was the end of that conversation. A few days later my dad broke some news to me. He told me that he had found out that I had been sneaking out and that he forbade it but instead of punishing me he had forgiven me and that he had good news. He'd arranged for me to marry one of the men in the community the next day.
My new husband would keep an eye on me and ensure that I never snuck out again. The man he had chosen for me to marry already had a wife and he was 43 years old. I was only 13. I couldn't think of anything worse. I was too scared to tell him that I didn't want to marry that man. So I told my mom instead. She said that I had no choice. I had to obey my dad. That night I couldn't sleep. I was so scared about getting married so scared. I knew I had to do something. I got up packed a few clothes in a bag and crept out of the caravan. I moved silently frightened that someone would see me but nobody did. I climbed over a fence and into the next field. I then ran as fast as I could and got out of the campsite and headed down a road with no idea where I was or where I was going. Exhausted I walked through the night and then when it was light I hitchhiked as far away as possible. I asked the driver to drop me off in the middle of a city. I didn't tell him where I had come from but he could see that I was scared so he gave me some money for food before he drove off. I'd never been to a city before and it was terrifying. I considered going back home but I had no idea how to get back to the campsite or where it was and I knew if I went back I would probably be punished for my disobedience. I had made my choice. That night I slept in a shop doorway. I was cold hungry and frightened. During the day. I begged for money for food and drink and every night I tried to find somewhere safe to sleep. I did this for a while and I was scared. All of the time I had no idea how I would survive. That was 10 years ago and some days I can't believe that was my life. I was eventually found by the police who put me in a children's home. After a while I was fostered with a normal family. I went to school and although it took a lot of readjusting I managed to get some qualifications. I am a social worker now. I spend my days helping children in need. These children had difficult childhoods.
My experience has helped me understand these children and I'm so pleased that I can help them. But some days I still feel really sad. My foster family was amazing and I'm still in touch with them but I miss my real mom and siblings so badly. I don't know where they are now and the younger ones won't even remember me. I probably have even more siblings that I've never met. I've no idea where they are so getting in touch with them would be next to impossible. I just hope that wherever they are. They are safe.
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