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JULY 6
Charlotte still watches over her ill friend in town. I managed to see her, however, just yesterday- I saw that her sisters were accompanying her to town and I joined them in their walk. We stopped at the fountain I described to you before and a funny little thing happened there. The younger sister, Jane, came to Charlotte carrying a cup of water. Marianne, the other sister, wanted to drink it, but Jane would not let her. "It's for Charlotte! 'Jane's sweetness filled my heart with joy, I looked over at Charlotte and then could no longer help myself. I lifted the child up and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. She started to cry from fear of me. Charlotte turned to me and said, “Why did you do that?" Then she walked little Jane over to the fountain and helped her to wash my kiss from her face. The little girl rubbed her cheek so hard and for so long it was as if she thought I had some terrible illness to give her. This little girl's desire to be pure was so strong. It moved me and somehow increased my respect for Charlotte. She was no longer just a woman to me. She was the goddess of purity.
When, later on, I told a man in Walheim about what happened, he felt that Charlotte should not have let the child fear so much. There was nothing physically wrong with giving a child a kiss. I, however, supported Charlotte, and argued that children should be allowed to believe in whatever they want. They are happier that way.
JULY 8
I am like a foolish little Boy. but I'm terribly upset about the way Charlotte's eyes…they…so beautiful., Anyway, (sorry, but I am very tired just now) as she was climbing into a carriage with her friends today.I stood nearby talking with a couple of fellows- We were having a nice time and joking a lot. Charlotte looked over in our direction- Her eyes looked first at the man on my left and then the man on my right, but never once looked in my direction. I was staring directly at her, wanting to wave "hello" to her. The carriage started and, after a few moments, she turned around and looked back in our direction. I keep telling myself that that look was intended for me, but I cannot be sure. Oh, how I hope that it was! God, I am such a stupid little boy!
JULY 13
Today, I saw something in her eyes! I am certain it was there! Love! My dear Wilhelm, I think that she is in love with me!
Her love for me makes me feel so good about myself! I feel as though I am the only man in the world for her. I do not know how true this is, however. For she still talks about her boyfriend in such loving ways. At such moments, I feel like a great soldier who has had all of his medals suddenly taken away.
JULY 16
Oh, how I love the moments when our hands, by chance, meet while we are walking or sitting at dinner My head starts to spin and my heart begins to quicken. She, of course, has no idea how this makes me feel inside. There are also times, when we are talking, that she will innocently place her hand on mine, or come closer to me so that I can feel the air from her mouth on my lips. Oh! Such moments! I struggle with my desires, Wilhelm. Struggle terribly. It is very difficult for me to describe to you the way I feel when I am with her.
Sometimes she plays her favorite song on the piano for me. When I listen, I forget about everything. All sadness and suffering leave me. It makes me believe in the power people say old music once had. There are times when I am so sad that I want to kill myself, but her music can bring me away from such terrible thoughts.
JULY 18
Life would be so empty without love! Like a child' s toy light, which paints the walls with shadows, love can sometimes be only an illusion. But, the illusion can sometimes be enough to make us happy.
Unfortunately, I had visitors today. Their presence made it impossible for me to see Charlotte the entire day. I was so troubled by this that I asked my servant to go to her home. T could not wait for him to come back. When he did finally return, I was simply made happy by the thought that Charlotte had looked at him. Everything about him: his face, his clothes; all had been touched by Charlotte's eyes. I was so happy that I wanted to kiss him. I probably would have, except that I would have embarrassed both him and myself in front of my guests. Do not laugh, friend, for you would be laughing at my heart.
JULY 19
All that it is required to make me happy in the morning is the thought: "I am going to see her!" I even say it aloud, for it feels so good to hear the words bounce off my bedroom walls. The sun seems to shine more brightly on such days and all is well.
JULY 20
No. I am sorry, but I will not accept this job with the Embassy that you have suggested to me- I hate having a boss. The ambassador is not a good man, either. I know that my mother wants me to get a job, but this only makes me laugh. People who do not listen to their own hearts, who only follow the wishes of others, are simply idiots.
JULY 24
In response to your suggestion that I continue to   practice my drawing, I must be honest and tell you that I have drawn nothing for quite a while now. But I have never felt so good, so close to nature. However; while I can enjoy the beauty around me, I cannot seem to express my enjoyment of it. Three times I have tried to draw Charlottes and three times I have failed. I cannot understand it. I was always so good at drawing people. 
JULY 26
Many times I have attempted to resist the strong desire to see her. However, I cannot stop myself. Just moments after promising to stay away, I find myself walking toward her home. Some evening, as we are saying goodnight, she will invite me to come and visit the following day. How could I possibly say no? Other times she will send me a letter, asking me to help her in some way. And if neither of the previous two is the case, I simply feel her presence everywhere I go and feel myself magically pulled toward her. It reminds me of a story my grandmother used to tell me about a mountain that would somehow suck toward itself the metal from passing ships in the sea, causing them to fall apart and the sailors all to drown-
JULY 30
Sadly, the man Charlotte is to marry has returned. Even if he were clearly a much better man than myself, it would still break my heart to see him with her. In truth, Albert is a very good man. He is good to her and kind to me. Luckily, he has not kissed her in front of me. I do not know what I would do if he did! Somehow, Charlotte manages to keep him and I from hating one another.
I respect him for his calm nature, which is quite the opposite of my own. He seems very aware of his luck in having Charlotte. And he does not have a bad attitude.
He thinks of me as an intelligent fellow and a good friend of his girlfriend; although, I am sure that he probably feels jealous at times. I know that I would if I were he.
Anyway, I have no hope for Charlotte any longer. From the very beginning of my relationship with her I knew about her boyfriend- In our time together, I have never suggested anything beyond friendship, although it has been difficult. Yet, I still wear this foolish look on my face when I see that man with the woman I love.
I hate it when people tell me to accept the situation, and that nothing can be done. At such times, I have to run away into the woods and walk awhile. Seeing the two of them together makes me act like an idiot- Today, Charlotte said to me, "You frightened me with your behavior last night!" Now I try to see her only at times when Albert is not present.