01. Taxidermy Buck(雄鹿标本)

Let me begin again.

Dear Ma,

I am writing to reach you—even if each word I put down is one word further from where you are. I am writing to go back to the time, at the rest stop in Virginia, when you stared, horror-struck, at the taxidermy buck hung over the soda machine by the restrooms, its antlers shadowing your face. In the car, you kept shaking your head. “I don’t understand why they would do that. Can’t they see it’s a corpse? A corpse should go away, not get stuck forever like that.”

I think now of that buck, how you stared into its black glass eyes and saw your reflection, your whole body, warped in that lifeless mirror. How it was not the grotesque mounting of a decapitated animal that shook you—but that the taxidermy embodied a death that won’t finish, a death that keeps dying as we walk past it to relieve ourselves.

I am writing because they told me to never start a sentence with because. But I wasn’t trying to make a sentence—I was trying to break free. Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.

让我重新开始。

亲爱的妈妈， 我写信是为了可以触及你——即使我写下的每一个字都离你所在的地方远一个字。我写信是为了回到那个时候，在弗吉尼亚州的休息站，当你惊恐地凝视着厕所旁的饮料机上悬挂的雄鹿标本，它的鹿角在你的脸上投射出一片阴影。在车上，你一直摇头。 “我不明白他们为什么要这样做。他们看不出来这是一具尸体吗？一具尸体就该让它离开，而不是像这样被永远困住。” 我现在想起那只雄鹿，你凝视着它漆黑如玻璃般的眼睛，然后看到你自己的倒影，接着你整个身体，在那面毫无生气的黑色镜子里扭曲着。震撼你的不是被架在墙上的那只，怪诞丑陋的被斩首的动物——而是雄鹿标本体现出的那一种永远不会结束的死亡，一种在我们为了解脱自己(用洗手间)而不停路过的过程中，持续不断的死亡。

我给你写信，是因为他们告诉我永远不要以‘因为’去开始一个句话。但我不是想说一句话——我是想挣脱。因为我被告知，自由只不过是猎人与其猎物之间的距离。

>>>Vocabulary:

Horror-struck adj. 极为震惊的；极为惊恐的

 They watched, horror-struck, as the car came off the road.

     他们惊恐地看着那辆汽车冲出公路。

Taxidermy n. （动物标本）剥制术

Buck n. 雄鹿；(南美)羚羊

Antler n. 鹿角

Corpse n. （通常指人的）尸体

Warp v. （使）弯曲，（使）翘曲，（使）变形

 After being left in the damp garage, the wooden frame had warped.

    由于放在潮湿的车库里，木头框架已经变形了。

Grotesque adj. 怪诞的，荒谬的；奇形怪状的；丑陋的

 By now she'd had so much cosmetic surgery that she looked quite grotesque.

    她现在因为作了太多的整容手术，看上去让人觉得怪异可怖。

Mounting n. 对某个东西的支撑或摆放

Embody v. 具体表现；体现

 She embodied good sportsmanship on the playing field.

    在运动场上，她展现了优秀运动员的风采。