How to Be Happy When You’re in an Unhappy Situation
By Leo Babauta
Sometimes life throws you into a miserable/'mɪzrəbl/ situation, and it can seem pretty dark.
Just a few examples of unhappy situations:
You lost a loved one
You received bad news
Your finances are messed up
You’re having a bad day at work
Your partner is mad at you or has broken up with you
You’re sick or really/'rili/ tired
You’re in pain
Someone has hurt you emotionally
These are terrible, and it’s normal to be pretty unhappy when things like this happen. You might wonder why life sucks so hard. Why can’t things be better?
Often things are out of our control, and we can’t always fix these situations, at least not easily or right away. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness somewhere in that miserable situation.
Happiness is possible, if you learn a few simple techniques/tek'ni:k/:
Allow yourself to be unhappy. When we’re feeling bad, feeling in pain, all we want is to get away from it. Ignore it, pretend you’re fine, comfort yourself from the pain, shield/ʃild/ yourself, lash/læʃ/ out in defensiveness, numb/nʌm/ it with drugs, distract yourself. This is a very human response. But actually, wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it better. It usually just prolongs the pain, makes problems worse. Instead, tell yourself that it’s OK to feel unhappy, it’s OK to feel pain.
See the pain as aliveness. Now that you’re face-to-face with the pain and misery/'mɪzəri/, now that you’re touching it and intimate/'ɪntɪmət/ with it … see that in fact, it is a tender feeling of being alive. Life isn’t numbness and avoidance (at least, not exclusively/ɪk'sklʊsɪvli/), and it’s not all butterflies and sunshine. Being alive means feeling pain, feeling fear, feeling disconnected sometimes. Allow yourself to feel it, and imagine that this is what living feels like.
Find gratitude somewhere. Being fully alive, being fully immersed/ɪ'mɜːst/ in this experience of this moment … what is there to be grateful for? Even small things, like the sight of leaves outside trembling in the wind or someone laughing/'læfɪŋ/ nearby. Or things we take for granted, like eyesight and music. Having relationships. … Find three happy things in this moment to be grateful for.
Find joy in being alive. You are alive! You should be singing from the hilltops /'hɪltɑp/. Even in our worst moments, we can find some joy in this not-small fact, that we are alive.
Yeah, I know. It’s hard. I’m not saying that doing this will magically make everything better. But there’s always joy to be found in every moment, if we dare/dɛr/ to look.
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