Vol.13 | I AM > i was

I AM > i was

INTRO:

Hey what’s up guys!!! 

Welcome back to my podcast YeahWhyNot.  

If you like what you hearing right now 

Don’t forget to subscribe like share and comment.

I really appreciate your support.

MAIN TRANSCRIPT:

I Saw a meme a couple days ago. 

It’s like a girl with a confused face and a lot question marks 

and it said that it’s already the end of 2021? 

I’m telling ya it’s me. Omg it’s so fast ! 

After a few days it will be 2022. 

I wanna say an early Happy new year to you guys 

I wish you all the best ,live a fullfilling life in 2022,

achieve your goals and remember i’m here with you. 

Today this episode will be the last one last episode of 2021.

This episode will be like summarize my whole year 2021.

This year has been great and at the same time, there’s a lot of tough time for me. 

It’s kinda stressful but i learned a lot,

and i have gained a lot of things i really appreciate everything i have right now. 

I’m really thankful to all the people including you guys. 

Yeah so it’s kinda like a year episode related to 

what i have been thru and what i have learned.

And we gotta keep going cuz time will not wait for anyone. 

Before we start this episode’s topic i wanna talk a little about the title 

I AM bigger than or stronger than whatever you call it i was. 

Actually the title i got inspired by an album. 

It’s an album by 21 savage . He is a great rapper. 

If you are interested go check him out.

Aight first i wanna talk about....    

Let me tell you this whole year , 

this year is much different from last year 2020,

even though it’s still in pandemic, 

there’s a such huge difference between this year and last year 

like 2020 is a totally blank paper for my memory 

i literally don’t remember anything except i met my girlfriend last year

it was probably one of the most beautiful and amazing time in my life 

but other than that nothing else i remember. 

So it was super fast for me, 

now when i’m looking back the most things i remember was in 2019. 

What happened in 2019 seems like just yesterday 

and my brain just skipped 2020 automatically

cuz for me most of the time i was quarantine at home. 

And In the end of 2019 i made a lot of friends 

and we were travelling and hanging out. 

When i talk with them right now 

we are like yeah that was really fun i hope to see you guys soon again

but it’s already 2 years ago when i’m thinking about it right now 

it’s like yesterday not long time ago. 

Because after that i didn’t do a lot of things 

and suddenly boom it’s now already the end of 2021. 

This how i think about this two year. 

But 2021 is a little bit different it’s not like nothing happened. 

I can feel myself learned a lot in this year. 

Especial mentally. 

The first three months of this year from January to March

it was probably the worst time in this year 

cuz i was super anxious and stressed out 

i feel like every day i was over thinking and worried about a lot of things 

especially my future. 

Cuz at that time i was in the last semester 

before i enter my last year of university. 

The anxiety controlled my brain i feel like 

i didn’t learn anything for this whole 3 years,

and i’m not good at my major i don’t know what i will do after i graduate 

and i don’t know what will happen and what to expect,

my whole mind was super negative.  

It was really tough for me , 

and also because of this during those time me and my girlfriend were 

always kinda arguing or we both were not in the mood to talk.

And later i calm down a little i just realized that my life was in a mess.

My study my relationship and so on ...  

So i started to reorganize my life explore my self , 

i felt the pain i felt the anxiety i felt the fear inside of me,

i felt all the emotions. And I don’t know what to do with them. 

They are making me feel weak and hard to breathe. 

So i took the advice of my girlfriend to read some books.  

i started to read books from March till Now. 

But now it’s not like before i was reading for like 6 hours probably everyday 

now i don’t read as much as before ,

most of the books i read them from March to June. 

I was reading books related to self-help ,self-improvement and some spiritual stuff. 

So that’s where i really calm myself down and feel my emotions. 

Like just to feel them without judging and analyzing. 

Observing their existence in my mind. 

And then i realized that there is no good or bad ones. 

They are all the same , they are just my feelings. 

And the feelings that i have right now doesn’t represent anything. 

For example i feel anxious now 

it doesn’t mean that the things im anxious about right now will become worse later. 

So i just moved my focus from my emotions to the things that i was doing at that time. 

And whenever emotions i have i will just try to feel them first and then just let them go. 

It actually helped me a lot during those days. 

When i feel like i’m totally at the moment right now not thinking about something else,

everything around me becomes beautiful , 

i see the trees i hear the birds chriping  people’s talking 

everything are such pretty things for me 

and i am really thankful to see and hear them ,

i just feel like i’m back to life again. 

So this is probably one of the most important thing i have learned this year, 

but it’s not like i’m already a master of controlling my emotions now. 

Nah still some time i feel my mind my emotions are dominating me. 

But at least i’m aware of it i’m being conscious when it happens. 

And i think to reach the level where you can really being conscious about your emotions and feelings and don’t let them affect you. 

It takes time probably many years i don’t know. 

But definitely not one year. 

So after that i felt much easier and i can really focus on something i need to do.  

And sometimes i will be reviewing myself, 

i will rewind my day like the tape 

so that i can see where i did well where i can do better.   

But as i’m getting busy  everyday ,

a lot of things like my work my study my personal life. 

I just can’t find a balance among them. 

And this is making me feel like my life is in a mess. 

I don’t know how to balance them they are all important to me. 

This is also the thing after i grow up 

i realized that when you are a kid you are innocent naive 

that is probably the happiest period of your life. 

All the things that kids need to do is play and study.

They don’t worry about nothing .

But for me i’m still a student my life mostly is about studying . 

So if i didn’t do well in my study i will just think i’m a loser i’m bad at everything. 

I will not have any opportunities to do better in other parts of my life.

I don’t know if you guys have this feeling but i do. So i tried to find the balance,

i was kinda like brainwash myself that my life is not only about studying,

other parts are also really important.

i have my friends i have my work i have my girlfriend my family. 

They all need me ,too.I should deal with all of them in a balance. 

I believe that a healthy and good lifestyle is a well-balanced lifestyle. 

Spending some time with myself with my family with my loved ones 

i might lose some time and energy to work or to do other things 

but i know in a long term it will give me a good benefit back to my life. 

Sometimes i’m busy and i just forgot there’s a lot of people love me supporting me 

and i’m just ignoring them. And to be honest i’m busy it’s just an excuse. 

Just because i didn’t do well to deal with different things in my life.

But it’s not like i will blame myself, no ,

everyone will experience this period of time 

it’s a process where you become more mature from a boy to a grown man, 

i’m still learning. 

Sometimes i just need to be more gentle to myself ,

don’t push myself too hard ,take a break,

and it’s ok if i fucked up here next time i can do better or i can do something else. 

Okay another thing that i’m happy about in 2021 is that

i overcome myself finally start my own podcast.

I was really doubting and over thinking about it. 

I was always put it off. But i did it! 

Just like my first episode’s title be brave,care less. 

Actually every episode is a conversation with you guys but also a conversation to myself. 

I hope you guys can be brave and care less 

and i hope i can do the same. Every topic is the same. 

I’m happy that i started it and it’s going much better than i expected. 

But there’s many times i was checking how many subscribers i have everyday 

and how many comments likes, 

and i started to think what i  can do to get more subscribers, 

what topic i should talk about so people will be interested. 

To be honest there are some episodes i was already recording 

but later i stopped cuz i feel like that was not me. 

The reason i started this podcast is 

because i wanna share my thoughts my life with people 

but it should be me not the one i’m pretending or i’m acting. 

Or sometimes i will be thinking i should create a better content 

that can deliver some useful information or interesting things. 

Otherwise i don’t deserve your time on me and stuff. 

Until one day there’s one comment said that 

she really likes this kind of form of talking just like a friend , 

even though most of the time i’m just talking about nonsense. 

I realized that maybe this is why you guys followed me you guys like my podcast. 

We are constantly learning things 

maybe you just wanna come here 

listen to my podcast to kill time or just to relax not to learn something.

And i don’t wanna be like i’m teaching or telling you what is right.

Because i’m just like you we are the same. 

But for whatever your reasons are i’m just gonna remember 

why i started it and keep doing it keep improving my content. 

And thank you guys for joining me. Yeah that’s probably my year 2021. 

Ofc there are much more than that a lot of happy moments and sad moments , 

what about you guys ? How’s your 2021 tell me in the comment. 

Use one to three word to describe your 2021. 

But i wanna say no matter this year has been good or bad for you,

it’s already in the past. Look forwards there’s still a long way for us to go to explore. 

There are still a lot of people that love and support you. 

Be kind to people around you and kind to yourself. 

Forgive yourself if you make mistakes. It’s ok. 

And remember to love yourself. 

Cuz you are freaking awesome! 

OUTRO:

Alright guys take care i will see you guys in 2022. 

And our journey has just begun! Byebye~