I Wanted to Share My Father

IWanted to Share My Father’s World

JimmyKarter

This isa pain I mostly hide,

but tiesof blood, or seed, endure,

and evennow I feel inside,

thehunger for his outstretched hand,

a man’sembrace to take me in,

the needfor just a word of praise.

I despisedthe discipline

he usedto shape what I should be,

notowning up that he might feel

his ownpain when he punished me.

I didn’tshow my need to him

sincehis response to an appeal

wouldnot have meant as much to me,

or beenas real.

Forthose rare times when we did cross

thebridge between us, the pure joy

survives.I never put aside

the pastresentments of the boy

until,with my own sons, I shared

hisfinal hours, and came to see

whathe’d become, or always was —

thefather who will never cease to be

alive inme.

这种痛苦我深埋心中

而血脉同根永世相承

直至今日，我依然

渴望他伸出手来

拥我入他男性的怀抱

盼能听到他的一声夸奖

我曾鄙弃那些清规戒律

无视他望子成龙的期冀

拒不承认在惩罚我时

他内心也泛着隐隐苦楚

我收敛起对他的需要

以为他对此的反应

会于我毫无意义

或者他会无动于衷

当我们偶尔越过隔阂

无边的喜悦

在四周洋溢

我从未释怀

孩提时结下的怨郁

直到，和孩子们一起

守候着他的最后时刻

才洞悉了他的素往人品－－－

在我心中，他是我

永远的父亲