Hot out?
热得不行了？
Need to cool down?
想要凉快一点儿？
Instead of water, might I suggest an ice-cold bottle of candy.
那就别喝水啦，我建议你来一瓶冰爽的糖。
We added some water and bubbles to it so you can pretend it's a drink.
我们往里面加了一些水和气泡，这样你就能把它当成一瓶饮料了。
It's not.
它不是饮料。
It's basically syrup.
差不多就是瓶糖浆。
But my competitors and I have spent decades and billions of dollars to slowly make the general public associate our product with fun, happiness, togetherness,
不过，我和我的竞争对手们花了几十年的时间、耗费数十亿美元来打广告，才慢慢地让公众一看到我们的产品就联想到快乐、幸福和团圆，
and in some cases entire holidays, which thankfully happen regularly, forever.
有时还能联想到所有的假期。谢天谢地，不管什么时候，隔三岔五就会有假期。
Point is, you're probably already on board with the idea of consuming wet sugar with bubbles in it.
重点是，你可能已经习惯了喝有气泡的糖水。
So I'm not gonna spend any more money on this.
所以，我再也不会花这些钱了。
Nor am I gonna pay a celebrity millions of dollars to tell you to drink wet sugar with bubbles in it.
我也不会再花几百万美元请个大明星告诉你要喝气泡糖水。
I don't need to!
根本不需要！
You love it!
你自己就爱得不行！
Hi, I'm some guy named Roger.
嗨，我的名字叫罗杰。
And if it's hot out or you like having friends or some other virtually universal aspect of life, I think you should buy some Horton brand, effervescent liquid candy.
如果现在外面很热，或者你喜欢交朋友，或者不管是其他任何情况，我觉得你都应该买点霍顿牌气泡糖水喝。
But more importantly, buy some for your kids.
但更重要的是，给你的孩子也买点儿。
Of course, if your child goes to public school we have huge steaks in their lunch programs.
当然，如果你孩子上的是公立学校，我们还给他们的午餐计划提供大块的牛排。
So we'll just sell it to them directly and cut you entirely out of the equation.
这样我们就能直接把东西卖给你的孩子，完全用不着你。
You can even put money in a glass box and get a wide variety of flavors.
把钱放进自动售货机就能得到各种各样的口味。
Caramel dye.
焦糖色素。
If you knew how much sugar a human is supposed to consume in a day, very little, and how much sugar is in one bottle of wet sugar lots, you probably wouldn't drink it.
要是你知道一个人每天应该摄入的糖是多少，当然很少，又知道一瓶糖水里有多少糖，你可能就不会喝了。
And we want you to drink it.
但我们想让你喝。
So we bullied the FDA into letting us straight up not give you that information.
所以我们威胁食品药品管理局允许我们直接不向你提供这些信息。
But if you're really concerned, we can put the word "diet" somewhere on the can, and replace the piles of natural sugar with chemicals that are so incompatible with human biology that our bodies don't even metabolize them.
但如果你真的担心，我们也可以把"低热量"的字样印在瓶子上，再用与人体生物构造极不相容的化学物质代替一堆一堆的天然糖，我们的身体甚至都没办法代谢这些东西。
That's going to slide right through me.
这东西会直接穿过我的身体。
Luckily we're pretty sure these chemicals don't cause any lasting damage.
好在我们十分确定这些化学物质不会造成任何持久性伤害。
Well, except bladder cancer in laboratory animals, and other kinds of cancer and other laboratory animals.
当然，除了在实验动物身上出现的膀胱癌，还有其他一些实验动物的其他一些类型的癌。
But you're a human.
但你是人类（所以管他呢）。
Sweet sweet acid.
甜甜的酸。
Yes, acid is the right word.
没错，"酸"这个字再合适不过了。
If I pour a bottle of cool refreshing sugary acid onto a car, it will literally strip away the paint.
如果我把一瓶清凉的糖水酸倒在车上，车上的漆都会被腐蚀。
But we don't pour it on cars.
不过，我们才不会把它倒在车上。
We pour it in our mouths, past our teeth, into our tummies.
我们把它倒进嘴里、让它穿过牙齿、进入胃里。
And you'll pay more money than you should for it even though it costs almost nothing to produce.
而且，哪怕它的生产成本几乎为零，你也会花上超乎常理的价钱来买它。
The container actually is the most expensive part.
最贵的其实是装它的瓶子。
Could you save that for me?
能帮我把这些收起来吗？
Awful lot of water went into making that.
生产这饮料可是要不少水呢。
I'm Roger. Buy some.
我是罗杰。买点吧。
Can I get my stomach pumped?
可以给我洗胃吗？
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