The Sinking Ship

THE SINKING SHIP. "OIR," said the firstlieutenant, bursting O into the Captain's cabin, " the ship is going down.""Very well, Mr. Spoker," said the Captain; ' ' but that is no reasonfor going about half-shaved. Exercise your mind a moment, Mr. Spoker, and youwill see that to the philosophic eye there is nothing new in our position : theship (if she is to go down at all) may be said to have been going down sinceshe was launched." " She is settling fast," said the firstlieutenant, as he returned from shaving. "Fast, Mr. Spoker?" askedthe Captain. ' ' The expression is a strange one, for time (if you will thinkof it) is only relative. ' ' "Sir," said the lieutenant, "Ithink it is scarcely worth while to embark in such a discussion when we shall allbe in Davy Jones's Locker in ten minutes." " By parity ofreasoning," returned the Captain gently, " it would never be worthwhile to begin any inquiry of importance; the odds are always overwhelming thatwe must die before we shall have brought it to an end. You have not considered,Mr. Spoker, the situation of man," said the Captain, smiling and shaking hishead. " I am much more engaged in considering the position of the ship,"said Mr. Spoker. "Spoken like a good officer," replied the Captain,laying his hand on the lieutenant's shoulder. On deck they found the men hadbroken into the spirit-room, and were fast getting drunk. " My men,"said the Captain, " there is no sense in this. The ship is going down, youwill tell me, in ten minutes : well, and what then? To the philosophic eye,there is nothing new in our position. All our lives long, we may have beenabout to break a blood vessel or to be struck by lightning, not merely in ten minutes,but in ten seconds; and that has not prevented us from eating dinner, no, norfrom putting money in the Savings Bank. I assure you, with my hand on my heart,I fail to comprehend your attitude." The men were already too far gone topay much heed. " This is a very painful sight, Mr. Spoker," said theCaptain. " And yet to the philosophic eye, or whatever it is," repliedthe first lieutenant, "they may be said to have been getting drunk since theycame aboard." " I do not know if you always follow my thought, Mr.Spoker," returned the Captain gently. ' ' But let us proceed. ' ' In thepowder magazine they found an old salt smoking his pipe. " Good God,"cried the Captain, " what are you about? ' ' "Well, sir," saidthe old salt, apologetically, " they told me as she were going down."" And suppose she were? " said the Captain. "To the philosophiceye, there would be nothing new in our position. Life, my old shipmate, life,at any moment and in any view, is as dangerous as a sinking ship; and yet it isman's handsome fashion to carry umbrellas, to wear india rubber overshoes, tobegin vast works, and to conduct himself in every way as if he might hope to beeternal. And for my own poor part I should despise the man who, even on board asinking ship, should omit to take a pill or to wind up his watch. That, my friend,would not be the human attitude." "I beg pardon, sir," said Mr.Spoker. " But what is precisely the difference between shaving in asinking ship and smoking in a powder magazine? ' ' " Or doing anything atall in any conceivable circumstances?" cried the Captain. " Perfectlyconclusive; give me a cigar! " Two minutes afterwards the ship blew up witha glorious detonation.