人生学院 双语精读丨遇事总是容易“破防”？为什么我们会手足无措像个孩子

Sometimes at moments of particular stress, one adult will turn to another and say: 'Stop behaving like a child.' or even, 'Act your age.'

有时，在压力特别大的时候，一个成年人会对另一个成年人说：“别跟个小孩似的。”甚至说，“要有大人的样子。”

This isn't merely rude — though it might be that too.

这不仅仅是是否无礼的问题——尽管可能确实挺无礼的。

It seems that in contact with given challenges, we revert back quite quickly to an earlier stage in our development.

在面临特定的压力时，我们似乎会快速恢复到幼稚小孩阶段。

We leave behind all our adult faculties, the ones associated with reason, logic, calm, strength, and perspective, and slip very quickly into a child-like spectrum marked by panic, rage, despair, terror and appeasement.

不顾成年人具备的能耐，抛弃掉那些成年人才具有的理性、逻辑、冷静、力量与远大目光，快速陷入类似于幼稚小孩的层级，变得慌张、愤怒、绝望、恐惧、寻求安抚。

The specific occasions that shift us from adult to child are an individual guide to our traumas.

迫使我们从成年人退变成幼稚小孩的特定情形，是疗愈我们个人创伤的指南。

The reason why we behave like a child is that traumas selectively arrest emotional development.

我们之所以表现得像个孩子，是因为创伤选择性地阻碍了情绪的成熟。

A part of us is going to remain fixed at whatever age we become traumatised at; so though we may be 28 or 72, we will to all intents in contact with a certain kind of inflammatory situation — resemble the frightened, bewildered and ashamed 3 or 5 year old we once were — though, of course, we'll be unlikely ever to notice this.

无论在哪个年龄受到过伤害，我们内心的某个角落都会留下难以消除的伤口；因此，尽管我们可能已经28岁或72岁了，在面对一些激烈的情形时，本质上我们与易受惊吓、充满困惑和容易羞耻的3或5岁小孩无异，当然，我们不太可能意识到这一点。

No bell goes off in the mind to signal, 'You're now shifting from being 32 to being 2.'

因为大脑不会发出任何警示信号，大声告诉我们：“你现在从32岁变成2岁小孩了。”

The transition happens in a flash, and it's the work of years of therapy and self-exploration to be able to notice the shift and take measures to soften the damage.

这种转变发生在一瞬间，需要多年的治疗和自我探索才能注意到这种转变并采取措施减轻损害。

To guess at our original traumas, we need only to study triggering situations and then generalise outwards from them.

要摸清创伤的根源，我们只需要探究触发这种转变的特定情形，然后梳理出轮廓。

Let's imagine that we get very worked up about a difficulty at passport control with a stern officer or about a dispute with a neighbour who is threatening legal action because a tree we planted is blocking their view.

假设我们在护照检查处遇到一名严厉的官员而被刁难，或者因为我们种的一棵树挡住了邻居的视线而被威胁起诉，我们就非常容易变得激动。

When we erase away the local details, we may be able to see an elemental structure and can then ask ourselves questions accordingly: a powerful man is adopting a bullying manner towards us.

当抹去细枝末节后，我们基本可以看清轮廓，然后相应地问自己：这是一个强势的人正在对我们采取欺凌的方式。

Does this remind us of anything in the past?

这让我们想起了过去的什么事情吗？

Or: we're suddenly being accused of having done something 'bad' that we had no idea about and the repercussions feel severe.

或者：我们突然被指责做了一些“坏事”，而且后果严重，但我们对此毫不知情。

Does this sound in any way familiar?

这听起来似曾相识吗？

Memories tend to emerge.

创伤的记忆开始浮现。

That stern passport officer might map with eerie precision onto an extremely frightening father.

那名检查护照的严厉官员可能与你家那位可怕的父亲非常相似。

Or a legal dispute might in its psychological fundamentals hint at some awful bullying one suffered at school.

或者一桩法律纠纷在心理层面上可能暗示着我们曾经在学校受到过可怕的霸凌。

When there is a certain kind of crisis, we should notice how fast we can fall through the floors of adulthood, ten or twenty or forty years/storeys below the present to the child-like basement of the mind.

当一种特定的危机发生时，我们要留意到，我们会以多快的速度从成年的层级坠落，从当下的10层、20层或40层楼，坠落到心智如孩童般幼稚的地下深渊。

A part of us needs to hold the other steady, see the hole blown in our minds by a triggering event — and then ensure that we step carefully around the gap and take a seat somewhere very safe on the edge of the room, while we wait for reason to repair the damage.

我们内心的一侧需要稳定另一侧，看到触发事件在大脑切开的缺口，我们要确保可以小心地绕过这个缺口，在内心的边缘找到一处安宁，冷静等待理智来修复缺口。

We're so afraid of patronising ourselves, we can find it very hard to accept the bewildering way in which, in certain areas, at times we truly can be slammed back into being a frightened, panicky, perspective-less young version of ourselves.

我们非常害怕屈尊俯就，在某些领域，在某些时候，我们真的会很难接受，不明所以地被猛烈推落到更加恐惧、惊慌和没有洞察力的幼稚的地下深渊。

The floors in our minds may be prone to collapse at moments of stress; but knowing the hazard is more than half-way to a solution — and greater and deserved calm.

我们坚硬的心墙在紧张的时刻可能会倒塌，但是了解危险的源头我们就已经成功了一半，我们总会获得更超然、更无愧的宁静。

点击下图跳转关注公众号“每日英语听力丨双语精读”，获取本篇完整解析笔记及更多学习干货！