Laurie Santos 告诉你什么现代人越来越不快乐

You might assume that we are creatures that are built to be happy. But the sad thing is that we're really not wired for happiness. Natural selection honestly doesn't care how we feel-it really just wants us to survive and reproduce. And that doesn't necessarily involve being happier. People are less happy than they ever have been. 

你也许会认为人天生就是会快乐的生物，但可悲的是，我们真的不是为了快乐而生的。老实说，自然选择并不在乎我们的感受，只在乎我们的生存和繁衍，而这并不一定包括更加快乐。现在的人并不比以前的人快乐。

In the United States, around 40% of collegestudents report being too depressed to function most days. We see the same kind of thing in older individuals. We're doing something wrong. We have all these misconceptions when it comes to the simple things we could all be doing to feel better.

报告显示，约40%的美国大学生，多数日子都过得太抑郁，无法正常生活，更年长的群体中也存在着同样的问题。我们做错了一些事情，我们都误以为简单渺小事情不会带来快乐，但实际上却是小确幸。

I'm Laurie Santos. I'm a professor of psychology at Yale University, and host of "The Happiness Lab" podcast. I study the science of happiness. 

我是劳丽·桑托斯，耶鲁大学的心理学教授，也是《幸福实验室》播客的主持人，研究幸福的科学。

In order to feel happier, we really need to come to terms with the fact that our mind is kind of lying to us. We experience what psychologists like Dan Gilbert and Tim Wilson have called 'miswanting.' Miswanting is the act of trying to go for certain things that we assume are gonna make us feel happy, but then they don't make us as happy as we think. 

为了感到更快乐，我们真的需要接受一个事实，就是我们的大脑具有欺骗性。我们会经历心理学家丹·吉尔伯特和蒂姆·威尔逊称之为“错误欲望”的现象。错误欲望，也就是误以为想要，指我们努力追求某些我们认为会让我们快乐的东西，但实际上这些东西并没有像我们想象的那样给我们快乐。

Because there are these annoying features of the mind that cause us to get happiness wrong. And one of the biggest annoying features of the mind is the fact that we all have these intuitions about the kinds of things we should be doing to feel better-but the research shows that many of those intuitions are just incorrect.

因为大脑存在一些烦人的特征，导致我们错误理解了幸福。而其中一个最烦人的特征是：对于应该做些什么会感觉更快乐，我们都有直觉，但研究表明，其中许多直觉实际上是错误的。

Take for example, money. So many of us think that if we just got more money, we'd feel happier. But if you have enough money to put food on the table and a roof over your head, more money isn't gonna make you happier. 

以金钱为例。我们中有很多人认为，如果我们有更多的钱，我们会更快乐。但是，如果你有足够的钱来养活自己和提供住所，更多的钱并不会让你更快乐。

The same is true for so many things: getting a promotion, material possessions, getting married. We kind of get the Rolling Stones idea wrong. We think the problem is that we can't always get what we want: but the problem is that if we got what we wanted, we probably still wouldn't be happy because we want the wrong things.

同样的道理也适用于很多事情：升职、物质财富、结婚等等。我们对滚石乐队的理念有些误解，我们认为问题在于我们总是得不到我们想要的东西，但实际上问题在于，即使我们得到了我们想要的东西，我们可能仍然不会快乐，因为我们想要的东西是错误的。

A second annoying feature of the mind is the fact that we tend to not think in objective terms. We tend to compare all our outcomes in life to something else. This is what's known as 'setting a reference point.' We're constantly comparing what we have to other people: compare our salaries, compare our looks, compare how happy our marriage is, even compare how much sex we're getting.

大脑的第二个烦人特征是：我们人类倾向于用不客观的方式思考。我们倾向于将生活中的一切结果与其他事物进行比较，这就是所谓的“设定参照点”。我们不断地与他人进行比较：比较薪水、比较外貌、比较婚姻是否幸福，甚至比较我们有多少性生活。

 And that's a problem because it means we could be doing objectively quite well in life, but as long as there's somebody out there who's doing better than us, we're gonna feel bad.

这是个问题，因为比较意味着，我们的生活客观上可能过得相当不错，但只要有人比我们过得更好，我们就会感到不好。

Another annoying feature of the mind is that our minds tend to get used to stuff. When you first have an experience, it's glorious. But over time you kind of get used to it. This is what researchers call 'hedonic adaptation.' It means that things that initially impact our happiness a lot, they stop having the same impact over time. 

另一个烦人的特征是我们的大脑容易失去新鲜感，久而久之便对新鲜事习以为常。当你第一次经历一件事时，会感到很美好，但随着时间的推移，你会逐渐习惯美好，这就是研究人员所说的“享乐适应”理论，这意味着最初对我们的幸福有很大影响的事物，随着时间的推移，影响力会逐渐减弱。

There's an additional problem with hedonic adaptation, which is that we don't really know that it's happening, and that leads to an additional bias that's known as the 'impact bias.' We assume that if something good happens, it's gonna impact our happiness a lot, and for a really long period of time- but the evidence suggests it doesn't. We're biased about the particular impact that any event might have on our happiness. That's the impact bias. 

享乐适应还存在另一个问题，那就是我们并不真正意识到幸福正在发生，这导致了一种额外的偏见，即“影响偏见”。我们认为如果发生了好事，这件大好事会对我们的幸福产生很大影响，并且持续很长时间，但证据表明事实并非如此。我们对任何事件可能对我们的幸福产生特定影响存在着偏见，这就是影响偏见。

When we think about the annoying features of the mind, the bad news is that those mistakes seem to be built in. Everyone's walking around with minds that will inevitably miswant. The real way to thwart our biases is to behave differently. There's a whole set of practices I like to call 'rewirements.' 

当想到关于大脑的烦人特征时，糟糕的是，这些错误似乎是大脑固有的。每个人都必然顶着一颗会产生错误欲望的脑袋瓜四处行走。克服大脑偏见的真正方法是改变行为，我愿称这一系列方法为“重塑实践”。

All of us can engage with rewiring our own habits in order to change our behaviors and feel better. When we think about the behaviors that we need to change as part of our rewirements, there's one big one that comes up initially: social connection. Every available study of happy people suggests that happy people are more social. 

我们每个人都可以通过改变自己的习惯来重塑行为，从而让自己感觉更好。想到“重塑实践”系列方法中要改变什么行为时，首先要重点改变的是：社交联系。所有对于快乐的人的可行研究都表明，快乐的人更善于社交。

They physically spend time around other people and they tend to really prioritize time with their friends and family members. Our lack of social connection really comes from the fact that we have this strong intuition that it kind of doesn't matter. 

他们与他人共度时间，真正重视与朋友和家人相处的时间。我们缺乏社交联系实际上来自于这种强烈的直觉，即社交似乎并不重要。

There's lots of work by Nick Epley for a bias that's known as 'undersociality.' We just systematically mis-estimate how good social connection will feel. Instead of scrolling through social media, use your phone to actually be a phone and call someone that you care about. These simple acts of connecting in real life, ideally, but especially in real-time, can significantly improve well-being. 

尼克·埃普利的研究中提到了一种称为“社交不足”的偏见，我们经常错误地低估了社交联系的好处。与其在社交媒体上滚动，不如实实在在拿起手机打电话给你关心的人，这些简单的真实连接，最好实时进行，可以显著改善幸福感。

Another behavior that we know really affects our happiness is doing nice things for other people- trying to become a little bit more other-oriented. This is a spot where we have seriously incorrect intuitions. We often think that self-care is the path to happiness, but the evidence really suggests that happy people are much more other-oriented. They're donating more money to charity. They're spending their time volunteering for others. They give more compliments. 

另一个能够真正影响我们幸福感的行为是为他人做好事，努力变得更加关注他人。在这一点上，我们有着严重的错误直觉，我们经常认为自我关爱是通向幸福的道路，但实证证据确实表明，快乐的人更加关注他人，他们更多地向慈善机构捐款，他们花时间为他人做义工，他们更多地给予别人赞美。

Another way that we can rewire our happiness is to change our thought patterns. Do we have a mindset of paying attention to all the negative things, all the hassles in life? Or do we have a mindset that focuses more on the blessings? Lots of evidence suggests that happy people focus on the blessings. 

另外，我们可以通过改变思维模式来重塑我们的幸福感。我们的思维是否倾向于关注所有负面事物、所有烦心琐事？还是更多地关注小确幸？许多证据表明，快乐的人更加关注小确幸。

If you tend not to do that naturally, you can change that thought pattern. One fantastic way to do this is simply to just write down three to five things you're grateful for every night. And this practice can improve your well-being in as little as two weeks.

如果你自然而然地忽视小确幸，你要改变这种思维倾向。非常好的一种方法就是每晚写下三到五件你感激的事情。这个练习在短短两周内就能改善你的幸福感。

Another thought pattern that we can can engage to feel happier is paying attention to the good stuff in life. One of the reasons our good circumstances don't necessarily lead to happiness is we tend not to notice them. We'll buy a delicious latte that we should be paying attention to and savoring and really enjoying, but we just kind of chug it while we're checking our email. The act of savoring is moving towards paying attention to the good things in life a little bit more.

我们可以通过关注生活中美好的事物来改变思维倾向，从而感觉更快乐。我们身在福中不知福的一个原因是我们往往没有注意到小确幸。我们会购买一杯美味的拿铁咖啡，本应关注、品味和真正享受它，但我们只是一边查邮件一边匆匆喝完。品味是更多地关注生活中美好事物的一种行为。

A final way we can rewire our behavior is to make changes in our body. We often forget that bodies are connected to minds, but they really are. And that means that a really quick way to change how we're feeling emotionally is simply moving our body a little bit more. Exercise is intricately connected to our mental health, and it's important to note that this isn't like running a marathon. 

重塑我们行为的最后一种方式是改变身体。我们常常忽视身体与心灵的联系，但身心确实是密切相关的。这意味着改变情绪感受的一个非常快速的方法就是：多动一下身体。运动与我们的心理健康紧密相连，重要的是要注意，运动不是非得像跑马拉松那样榨干自己。

This is simply just getting your body to move around a little bit more. Even as much as like 20 minutes a day can really improve your well-being. These so-called rewirements, they're really useful for moving from not feeling so good at the time to flourishing a little bit more. 

只需要让你的身体多动一点点就可以了。每天即使只有20分钟的运动都可以显著改善你的幸福感。这些所谓的“重塑实践”，对于将你从感觉不太好的状态转变为心花怒放的状态，真的有用。

This is not necessarily the tools that you might use if you're facing a really serious mental disorder.Sometimes people think like, "Oh, I'm suicidally ideating. I should do a gratitude list or something." It's like, "No, no, no!" That's an acute emergency and you should really get a special, more acute kind of care; you should see a psychotherapist. Rewirements are just yet another tool in the toolkit that we can all use to be improving our own well-being. 

但如果你面临严重的精神障碍，这可能不是你应使用的方法。有时候人们会想：“哦，我现在有自杀倾向。我应该列一张感恩清单什么的。”别别别！那是一种急性紧急情况，你应该寻求特殊、更急性的救治；你应该去看心理治疗师（正规医院心理医生最佳）。重塑实践只是我们都可以用来改善自己幸福感的另一套工具。

We're going to have moments of anger. We're gonna have moments of sadness. We're gonna have moments of fear or frustration or overwhelm- that's part of being human. Our negative emotions are signals that are telling us something really important. Our sadness is there to tell us, "Hey, you're missing something in life. You might need to make changes. You might need to reach out to a friend."

我们会愤怒，我们会悲伤，我们会有害怕、沮丧或不知所措，这是作为人的一部分。我们的负面情绪是在告诉我们一些非常重要的东西，我们的悲伤告诉我们：“嘿，你在生活中缺少了某些东西，你可能需要做出改变，你可能需要找朋友倾诉。”

Negative emotions are normative in certain circumstances, so we shouldn't try to wish them away. We just need to be able to regulate them in positive ways. The key, though, is that you have to put these strategies into practice; you can't just learn about them. It turns out that knowing, from a cognitive science perspective, it's not half the battle. The real work is putting the things you learn into practice. When we understand the right things to do and put those things into practice, we really can significantly change our levels of happiness.

在某些情况下，负面情绪是正常的，所以我们不应该试图将负面情绪赶走。我们只需要以积极的方式调节它们。然而，关键是你必须将这些方法付诸实践；你不能只是知道怎么做却不做。从认知科学的角度来看，知道并不等于成功。真正发挥作用，在于把你学到的东西付诸实践。当我们了解正确的行为方式并付诸实践时，我们确实能够显著改变我们的幸福水平。