克服恐惧向更高的地方前进

Iwas sure I was going to die — not from impact but from fear.

我要被吓死了。

WhenI again comparably faced my fright of heights years later, four people did diethe following day.

多年后我再次感受到这种恐惧的第二天，确实有四个人去世了。

Butat that moment in 2007, I was rocketing face-first toward the water of QinglongGorge in rural Beijing with a bungee attached to my legs.

2007年我在北京郊区的龙庆峡蹦极，绳子拴住我的腿。

Or,so I hoped.

我希望真的拴住了。

Asudden jolt let me know it was, indeed, connected.

绳子突然动了一下，我才切实感受到它拴着我。

ThankGod!

谢天谢地！

Iyo-yoed skyward, elation replacing terror.

跳下去的时候兴奋代替了恐惧。

Ieven did a backward summersault, giggling, on the second ricochet.

绳子第二次弹起来的时候甚至我笑着来了个后空翻。

Whenthe momentum expired, I was in shock. I dangled from the rope, sporadicallytwitching and feeling like I was outside of my body. I empathized with what atrout swaying from a fishing line must feel like.

但是当绳子不再动的时候我才感到震惊。绳子晃来晃去，我感觉灵魂都出窍了。

Thecord lowered. A speedboat shot out to retrieve me.

绳子开始放低，快艇冲过来接我。

Myfirst step on land failed. My legs gave out. They were bags of soup.

我上岸时候腿软得像汤包，第一次都没站住。

Icrawled on my hands and knees up the hill.

我的手和膝盖支撑着地面。

Istill don't know why I did it that day. Perhaps pure impulse.

一直到现在我也不知道那天干嘛要蹦极，也许单纯是冲动。

ButI didn't realize what I had done for myself long term, until moments after my"leap of faith".

很久以来我都没意识到做了什么，直到“信念一跳”之后。

I'djoined friends to visit the scenic area, declaring days before our departurethere was "no way" I'd bungee jump, as others were planning.

当时我和朋友们只是去景点游玩，还宣布绝不蹦极。

I'vebeen horrified by heights for as long as I can remember. That day, walking upto the bungee platform, I reeled as I came close to the edge of the reservoir.I forced myself to peer down.

自从懂事起我就恐高，所以那天走上蹦极台后，我一阵眩晕，但还是强迫自己向下看。

Vertigoseized me. I swirled while standing still.

站着不动的时候我已经晕头转向了。

But,to my surprise, on the walk down after the jump, I felt zero fear when I gazedover the dam's edge. I even leaned against it, laughing.

Callit accidental extreme-exposure therapy.

不过出乎我的意料，跳完后我反而不害怕了，甚至还能笑出声。这就是极度暴露疗法吧。

Yetthe residual apprehension I still experience in high places probably qualifiesas extreme, since it's often irrational.

但我在高空时感到的焦虑也很极端。

Chinahas provided many voluntary opportunities — and often forced me — to face myfear of heights.

在中国的志愿者工作经常强迫我面对恐高症。

It'sa land of glass bridges, mountainside temples and zip lines.

这里有玻璃栈道、山中寺庙和环形公路。

These,frankly, still give me jitters. I do them, anyway.

这些依然会让我紧张，但我照去不误。

Myfirst trip to Beijing in 2005 required boarding a puddle jumper. When the planeleaned one way, I leaned the other. At one point, I apologized to the womannext to me for tilting into her space.

我在2005年第一次来北京时，坐过小飞机。飞机偏向一边时，我就倒向另一边。我只能对旁边的女士道歉，一直侵占她的空间。

"Sorry,"I stammered.

“对不起，”我结结巴巴地说，

"Heightsreally freak me out."

“我真的恐高。”

Sheseemed sympathetic rather than annoyed.

她同情地看着我，并没有生气。

Now,I fall asleep during takeoff.

不过现在我能起飞时就入睡。

In2006, I spent hours working up the courage to take a cable car to the peak ofTaishan Mountain in Shandong province.

2006年，我花了好几个小时做心理建设，坐缆车上泰山。

Now,I ride these with ease.

现在我坐缆车易如反掌。

Butthe most afraid I've been, other than bungee jumping, was floating in a hot airballoon in the Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region's Yangshuo with my wife andparents around National Day in 2009.

但是除了蹦极以外，我最害怕的时刻，是和妻子和父母在2009年国庆节期间，在广西阳朔坐热气球。

Theyteased me.

他们嘲笑我。

Thefollowing day, four Dutch tourists died there, when a hot air balloon burstinto flames midair.

第二天，有一个热气球在半空中着火，四名丹麦游客遇难。

Still,I've recently set about finding places around Beijing to try paragliding,parasailing or ultra-lighting.

不过我现在还是在北京附近寻找能玩滑翔伞和拖拽伞的地方。

I'vedecided to face my fear head on, full throttle.

我决定正面对抗恐惧。

Friendsask, "Why?"

朋友们都问：“为什么呀？”

PsychologistCarl Jung once said: "Only one who has risked the fight with the dragonand is not overcome by it wins … the treasure hard to attain."

心理学家CarlJung说过：“只有战胜巨龙的人才能赢得宝藏。”

Andexistentialist Jean-Paul Sarte argued: "To know what life is worth, youhave to risk it once in a while."

存在主义哲学家Jean-PaulSarte也说过：“你必须冒一次险才能知道生命的意义。”

Chinahas, literally and metaphorically, enabled me to take the plunge and soar tonew heights over the past 13 years. Even moving here was diving into theunknown.

中国在各种意义上都让我在过去13年间突破新高度。搬到北京住其实就是进入未知。

Asfar as I'm concerned, in terms of facing my anxieties, there's only one wayforward — up, up and away!

据我所知，面对我的焦虑只有一个方法——向上走！