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Gaslighting is a word that's used a lot in the media these days, but what does gaslighting actually mean?
现在，“煤气灯”这个词经常在媒体上出现，但是“煤气灯”的实际意思是什么呢？
The term originates from the Patrick Hamilton's original 1939 stage play, "Gaslight," where a husband psychologically manipulates his wife.
这个词起源于帕特里克·汉密尔顿1939年的舞台剧《煤气灯下》，剧中的丈夫对妻子实施了心理上的操控。
In the story, the husband attempts to convince his wife that she is insane by manipulating small elements of their environment and insisting that she is mistaken, remembering things incorrectly when she points out the changes he makes.
在这个故事中，丈夫企图让妻子相信她疯了，方法是操纵他们周围环境的一些小因素，并坚持表示她错了，当她指出他在周围动的手脚时，他却说是她记错了。
The play's title alludes to how the abusive husband slowly dims the gaslights in their home while pretending nothing has changed in an effort to make his wife doubt her own perceptions.
剧名暗指施虐的丈夫如何慢慢地调暗家里的煤气灯，同时假装什么都没有改变，试图让他的妻子怀疑自己的看法。
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where someone leads you to question your own reality, memory, or perceptions.
“煤气灯效应”是一种情感虐待，指的是某人引导你质疑自己的现实、记忆或认知。
So here are 10 examples of what gaslighting can sound like.
下面是“煤气灯效应”的10个例子。
As a disclaimer, we want to note that not everyone who says these phrases is automatically a gaslighter.
作为免责声明，我们想要强调的是，并不是每个说这些话的人都是“煤气灯操控者”。
Gaslighting is intentional and a gaslighter knows exactly what they're saying and what they're doing.
“煤气灯效应”是有意而为之，“煤气灯操控者”清楚地知道他们在说什么、在做什么。
One, "What did I do to you?" If someone responds to you this way, they may genuinely not know what they have done and are asking you about it.
一，“我怎么你了？”如果有人这样对你说，他们可能真的不知道自己到底做了什么，并且在向你询问。
But when it's gaslighting, they are aware they have done something to hurt you and are pretending to play dumb.
但如果是“煤气灯操控者”，他们其实意识到自己做了伤害你的事，却选择装聋作哑。
In defensively posing this question to you, they are denying the impact they had on you and are also forcing you to question it.
他们防御性地向你提出这个问题，是在否认他们对你的影响，同时也在迫使你质疑自己。
Two, "Everyone around you isn't the problem, the problem is you." This is sometimes used as a way to shut down the conversation or dialogue for whatever is happening.
二，“你周围的人都没有问题，问题出在你自己身上。”这有时是用来结束谈话或对话的一种方式。
This type of language is often referred to as victim blaming, where the gaslighter will make statements that cause you to feel like you are the problem, even when you have fallen victim to something such as bullying or abuse and the situation is outside of your direct control.
这样的话通常被认为是在指责受害者，在这种情况下，“煤气灯操控者”会说一些让你觉得问题出在你自己身上的话，即使你已经成为欺凌或虐待的受害者，而且这样的情况是你无法掌控的。
Three, "I'm sorry you feel that way." When someone's hurt you and they say something like this, than it is not a true apology.
三，“你要这么想我也没办法。”当有人伤害了你，却说出这样的话，那就不是真正的道歉。
Instead, it's a way to make you feel like you are the problem.
相反，这是一种让你觉得问题出在你自己身上的方式。
They say that they're sorry that you feel the way you do rather than apologizing for what they've done or how they made you feel.
他们仅仅是在声称自己对你的感受感到抱歉，却并不是在为他们做过的事或他们带给你的感受而道歉。
Four, "I don't remember saying that.
四，“我不记得我有这么说过。
I think you made that up." This is the go-to phrase that a gaslighter will use to intentionally get you to question your experience, behavior, and thoughts in order to take the focus off of them.
你应该是记错了。”这是一个常用的话术，“煤气灯操控者”会故意让你质疑自己的经历、行为和想法，以转移你对他们的注意力。
Five, "It's your anxiety that made me do the things I do." This is a common response when a gaslighter gets called out for their behavior.
五，“这是你逼我的。”当一个“煤气灯操控者”的行为被人发现时，这是他们一个常见的回应策略。
They use this as a reason to justify their own negative behavior when in fact, they should take responsibility for their own actions instead of choosing to blame you.
他们以此为自己的罪行辩护，而事实上，他们应该为自己的行为负责，而不是转而责怪你。
Six, "You need help." This term is used to imply that you are the problem and that you need to address your issues rather than them having to work through their own issues.
六，“你需要帮助。”这句话是用来暗示你才是问题所在，你需要解决你的问题，而不是他们需要解决他们自己的问题。
This is a shutdown response to avoid working things through with you.
这是一种逃避和你一同解决问题的方式。
Seven, "It's your fault." People who gaslight will neglect any responsibility for their actions or for a situation.
七，“这都是你的错。”“煤气灯操控者”会忽视自己应付的责任。
Instead, they will directly blame others.
相反，他们会直接指责别人。
This can be a repetitive cycle where you may be made to feel like something is your fault even if it isn't.
这可能会造成一种恶性循环，你会觉得有些事情是你的错，即使事实并非如此。
You may even apologize for things that aren't your fault to make peace with them.
你甚至会为那些不是你做错的事情而道歉，然后与他们和平相处。
Eight, "You're too emotional." This implies that your characteristics are seen as flaws.
八，“你太情绪化了。”这意味着你的特点被视为了缺点。
And this can make you question your own sense of who you are.
这会让你产生自我怀疑。
Nine, "It's not a big deal." People who gaslight have a tendency to minimize the impact that something has on you.
九，“没什么大不了的。”“煤气灯操控者”倾向于把他们对你施加的影响轻描淡写。
They may make you feel like you're making a bigger deal out of something, when you are within your right to talk about things that are bothering you and express yourself openly.
当你行使权利谈论困扰你的事情并公开表达自己时，他们可能会让你觉得自己在小题大做。
10, "Why are you so defensive all the time?
十，“你为什么总是这么有戒心？
You're attacking me." This is a common phrase used when you challenge a gaslighter.
你在攻击我。”当你在反击“煤气灯操控者”时，这便是他们的常用话术。
They have a tendency to flip the conversation towards you and make it out like you are the one who is in the wrong by accusing you of being defensive and that you're attacking them.
他们倾向于把话题转到你身上，指责你是为自己而辩护，指责你在攻击他们，搞得好像你才是过错方。
Then they become the victim.
然后他们就成了受害者。
Do any of these phrases sound familiar to you?
这些话听起来耳熟吗？
These are only some of the things a gaslighter will say to you.
这些只是“煤气灯操控者”会对你使用的部分话术。
You may have heard these before or even said them yourself, but this does not necessarily mean you have been gaslighted or that you are a gaslighter.
你可能听过，甚至自己也说过，但这并不一定意味着你陷入了“煤气灯效应”，或你就是一个“煤气灯操控者”。
Gaslighting is intentional and a gaslighter knows full well what they're saying and what they are doing.
“煤气灯效应”是一种有意而为之的行为，“煤气灯操控者”很清楚他们在说什么，做什么。
We encourage you to seek help or guidance if you suspect that gaslighting has played a role in your life.
如果你怀疑自己正在经历“煤气灯效应”，我们鼓励你积极寻求帮助或指导。
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