And then I don't know why but I had to runaway. I had to hide myself at the other end of the garden, in the jungle part,under a tree that wouldn't mind if I lay down and cried a long time. I closedmy eyes like tight stars so that I wouldn’t, but I did. My face felt hot.Everything inside hiccupped.
I read somewhere in India there are priestswho can will their heart to stop beating. I wanted to will my blood to stop, myheart to quit its pumping. I wanted to be dead, to turn into the rain, my eyesmelt into the ground like two black snails. I wished and wished. I closed myeyes and willed it, but when I got up my dress was green and I had a headache.
I looked at my feet in the white socks andugly round shoes. They seemed far away. They didn't seem to be my feet anymore.And the garden that had been such a good place to play didn't seem mine either.
然后我不知道为什么我得跑开。我得把自己藏在花园的另一边，藏在树丛里，一棵不会介意我躺下来哭很久的树下面。我使劲把眼睛闭起来，像最渺小的星星那样，好让自已不哭。可我还是哭了。我的脸在发烫。身体里的每样东西都在呃逆。
我在哪里读到过的，在印度，有的祭司可以凭借意志让自己的心脏停跳。我也想用意志让自己的血停止流，心停止跳。我想要死去，化成雨，想要我的眼睛融化，像两条黑蜗牛一样溶进土里。我想呀想呀，闭上眼睛一心一意地想。等我站起来时，我的裙子变绿了，头也痛了起来。
我看着自己穿着白袜和圆鞋的脚。它们好像很遥远，似乎不再是我的脚了。花园曾经是那么好玩的去处，可现在似乎也不是我的了。
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