March 6, 1994
My Darling Catherine,
Where are you? And why, I wonder as I sitalone in a darkened house, have we been forced apart?
I don't know the answer to thesequestions, no matter how hard I try to understand. The reason is plain, but mymind forces me to dismiss it and I am torn by anxiety in all my waking hours. Iam lost without you. I am soulless, a drifter without a home, a solitary birdin a flight to nowhere. I am all these things, and I am nothing at all. This,my darling, is my life without you. I long for you to show me how to liveagain.
I try to remember the way we once were, onthe breezy deck of Happenstance. Do you recall how we worked on her together?We became a part of the ocean as we rebuilt her, for we both knew it was theocean that brought us together. It was times like those that I understood themeaning of true happiness. At night, we sailed on blackened water and I watchedas the moonlight reflected your beauty. I would watch you with awe and know inmy heart that we'd be together forever. Is it always that way, I wonder, whentwo people are in love? I don't know, but if my life since you were taken fromme is any indication, then I think I know the answers. From now on, I know Iwill be alone.
I think of you, I dream of you, I conjureyou up when I need you most. This is all I can do, but to me it isn't enough.It will never be enough, this I know, yet what else is there for me to do? Ifyou were here, you would tell me, but I have been cheated of even that. Youalways knew the proper words to ease the pain I felt. You always knew how tomake me feel good inside.
Is it possible that you know how I feelwithout you? When I dream, I like to think you do. Before we came together, Imoved through life without meaning, without reason. I know that somehow, everystep I took since the moment I could walk was a step toward finding you. Wewere destined21 to be together.
But now, alone in my house, I have come torealize that destiny can hurt a person as much as it can bless him, and I findmyself wondering why-out of all the people in all the world I could ever haveloved-I had to fall in love with someone who was taken away from me.
Garrett
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