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Hi, I'm gonna smile an abnormal amount.
嗨，我会异常频繁地微笑。
Honestly, I forgot this was happening today.
老实说，我都忘记今天要面试了。
I'm so nervous I might throw up.
我紧张到快吐了。
Well, I've already judged you based on how you look.
嗯，我已经从你的外表来评断你这个人了。
I tried not to, but I did.
我尽可能不以貌取人，但我还是这么做。
Should I start lying now, or did you wanna small talk about the weather first?
我可以开始说谎了吗？还是先跟你聊聊天气、寒暄一下呢？
You can just like, go ahead and say everything you wrote on there.
你可以直接开始把你上面写的都讲出来。
Sure, well as you can see here, I made up six years of experience.
当然，如你所见，我捏造了六年的经验。
Head of marketing for Mr. Jones. Nice.
“琼斯先生”公司的营销主管，不错喔！
Correct. That's my dad.
那当然，琼斯就是我爸。
I told him you might call, and he has talking points already.
我早就跟他说你可能会打给他，他已经想好要跟你聊些什么了。
So tell me about this management position at this company I've never heard of.
那么，告诉我关于这间我从没听过的公司里管理职务的事吧。
Technically, I was an assistant but I feel like I could've figured it out.
严格来说，我只是个助理，但我觉得我是能够搞懂的。
Mmhmm, let's see what other interview questions I've Googled here.
嗯哼，我们来瞧瞧我刚刚搜索到的其他面试题目。
Ah, yes, why did you leave your last job?
啊，对了，你为什么离开上一份工作？
I just feel like I needed a bigger challenge, you know?
我只是觉得我需要更大的挑战，你懂吗？
And also I was fired.
然后还有我被炒鱿鱼了。
Mmhmm, mmhmm.
嗯哼，嗯哼。
Tell me about one of your many weaknesses, and don't say perfectionist, ok?
告诉我，你多项弱点的其中一项，别跟我说你是完美主义者好吗？
You liar.
少骗人了。
Honestly, I don't really work that hard.
老实说，我其实没那么认真工作啦！
So why do you want this job?
那你为什么想要这份工作？
I like money.
我喜欢钱。
Says here you're proficient in Photoshop.
这边写说你很擅长修图。
Oh, yeah, I face tune all the time, it's one and the same.
哦，对啊，我每次都帮自己修图，是同一个人啦！
Potato, potato, am I right?
看起来都差不多，是吧？
Fluent in French, very nice lie.
法语流利，天大的谎言。
Oui.
是的 (法语)。
I know exactly three words, that was one of them.
其实我知道三个词啦，这是其中一个。
Mmm, trustworthy, I'm not really sure that's a skill.
嗯，值得信任，我不确定这算不算一项技能耶。
Fair, it also depends how many drinks I've had.
对啦，要看我喝了多少酒。
I know it seems like I'm taking informative notes but really I'm just writing, "Don't hire,"
我知道我貌似写了一些很有内容的笔记，事实上我正在写的是“不雇用”，
literally, look, "Don't hire,"
不信你自己看，“不雇用”，
stupid answer, dumb dumb, you're not getting the job.
想都不用想，别傻了，你不会得到这份工作的。
You know, I'm sensing this isn't going well so I'm gonna say a bunch of buzzwords.
你知道吗，我感觉到情况不太妙，所以我要来说一些潮流用语。
Go for it.
来吧！
Reliable, a team player, self starter.
可靠、富有团队精神、自发性工作。
Mmm, maybe something about efficiency?
嗯，要不要说一些关于效率的词？
Time management.
时间管理。
There it is.
就是这个！
Problem solver, eh?
善于解决问题，是吧？
Eh?
是吧？
I'm really enjoying feeling like I'm in power right now.
我很享受我现在掌控全局的感觉。
Oh, fast learner.
哦，学习能力很强。
Listen, shut up.
听着，闭嘴。
You're talking a little too much so I'm gonna tell you about our company now.
你有点说得太多了，现在我要来介绍一下我们公司。
Oh, I'm squinting my eyes and nodding as if I'm very interested.
哦，我正瞇着眼、点点头，装得我好像很感兴趣。
Same, yeah, no, I could care less about this god damn company.
嗯，我也是，我一点也不在乎这该死的公司。
Well, I'm going to overthink everything I said as soon as I walk out.
嗯，等我一走出去后，我就会对刚刚我所说的那些想很多。
We might settle for you.
我们会勉强雇用妳啦！
That's what I'm hoping for.
这正是我所期待的。
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