Therapy saved my life, and it made me the man who I am today a cowboy on a ranch in Wyoming. I'm Lao john. Today we're talking about therapy and mental health. There's a misconception that therapy is for people who are fragile or weak, and can't take care of themselves. It's actually the exact opposite. Therapy is for people who are strong enough to say I need some help, and I'm going to go find some help, and I'm going to make my life better, and it's not easy to do that, because it's not easy to look at ourselves. It’s very easy for us to look at other people and say, oh, look at the problems they have, but it's not easy for us to look at ourselves and say, well, look at the problems that I have. I'm a perfect case in point. I spent my twenties in an incredibly unhealthy relationship with somebody who had a lot of mental problems, and after me trying to solve these problems for all those years. I finally, at the end of the end of the relationship, I also was unwell, but our life was good because my ex-in-laws have a lot of money. My life in New York city was very high end. And so to leave that was not easy, but I didn't feel good inside, and I knew I needed to make the change. So it took a lot of courage for me to say, you know what, I have to go talk to somebody. I have to go have somebody listen to me and give me some ideas how I can feel better inside, so, I went to therapy. I went to this guy, little mousy guy with little round glasses. And there's another misconception that when you go to therapy, they're like, oh, you poor thing, poor John, like they're going to molly[ˈmɑːli] coddle[ˈkɑːdl] you. That is not what therapy is about. I went to therapy for the first six months. I went three days a week, and this guy just sat there, I went in and I was crazy. All this madness from all these years and all these problems and all the stuff that happened. So I went in there, and I would spend every session just spitting out all of this stuff about other people, about my ex-wife and her family and the job and my family, and just everything. And I was always talking about other people, and he would just sit there, and I would keep going all emotional about, And he was like mhm, until finally, one day after six months, he finally said, John, I believe you, I'm on your side. But what about you? What do you want to do with your life? John, and I was completely shocked, I was stopped. He paralyzed me because I had never looked at myself. I'd never thought about my life, I was so busy taking care of everybody else's life, so I never thought about what I wanted, or how I wanted to grow and to develop. So it was actually, at that point that my real transformation began. In the doctor would just asked these small questions that would lead me down this path. They would get me thinking about things that I had never thought about before, but he never said, Oh poor John, there is nothing like that. So the good therapist will just help you to find your path to go through, and that brings me to the third misconception about therapy is that you're going to go there, you're going to pay money, and this person is going to fix you, It’s gonna like take care of you and change you. No, therapy is not about the therapist. And it's not even about the therapy. The therapy is about you, you have to make the changes. The therapist guides you to figure things out, but you're the one if you're really doing it, you have to do the work, and it's hard work, because, like I said, every day you're there looking in the mirror at yourself trying to say, well, why did I do that? why did I say that? why did I behave like that? It's a very hard task, but it's your job to figure it out. And that's what good therapy does. And it gives you the tools you develop the tools to learn how to continue on a more healthy path. So for me, that healthy path was, I finally had to get out of that relationship, and I moved into my own apartment that was not fancy, and it was very sad. Actually, when I, when I moved there, my mother cried because my life was back to zero, but I had my health, and I had my strength. and so I stayed in New York, but in another place for a year, my ex-wife still wanted to get together and still wanted to try to meet. And I said, no, we can't do this. And so eventually, what I did was, my job transferred me to San Francisco. If you can believe that I moved all the way across to the other side of the country, just to have some peace, some serenity[sə'renəti], and to be able to grow and develop as my own human being. And that's what's brought me here, after all these years. So the good thing about the United States is that there's no stigma[ˈstɪɡmə] about therapy? People encourage you to go if you're not feeling well, you know the great thing about the therapist is they’re non partisan[ˈpɑrtəzn]. They're not your friend, they’re not your family, and they're not even society, they're just there for you. They’re just there to help get you on track, and that's why they're so important and so special, because if you ask your friends, they're going to take, dude, chill out, relax. If you ask your parents, they are going to tell you what they want you to do. And if you look at society, this all this other pressure, but the therapist is none of that. They are just in the middle, they’re objective, and they just want to see you get feeling better. Give it a try, give it a try. And if you're lucky, and if you work hard, maybe, one day, you can also be a cowboy. You can also be, and then, and then maybe one day, and then maybe one day can also be a cowboy like me, I'm Lao John. I'm in Wyoming. I miss you, I miss china. I’ll talk to you soon.
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