声音简介
It's easy for any of us to make assumptions about what our spouse might want,rather than work hard to understand the job to be done in our spouse's life. Let me share an example from Scott, a friend of mine with three children under the age of five. One day recently, Scott came home from work to find a highly unusual scene— the breakfast dishes still on the table and dinner not started. His instant reaction was that his wife, Barbara, had had a tough day and needed a hand.Without
a word, he rolled up his sleeves,
cleaned up the breakfast dishes, and started dinner. Partway through, Barbara disappeared. But Scott kept on, making dinner for the kids.He had just started feeding them when he suddenly wondered, where's Barbara? Tired, but feeling pretty good about himself, he went upstairs to try to figure out where she was.He found her alone in their bedroom.He expected to be thanked for doing all that at the end of an exhausting day at work.But instead Barbara was very upset— at him.
具有讽刺意味的是，正是因为这个原因，许多不幸的婚姻建立在无私的基础上。这种无私建立在伴侣给彼此东西的时候，他们自己决定他们的伴侣应该想要的东西——就像“亲爱的，相信我，你会喜欢这款铱星无线电话的！”
任何一个人都很容易对配偶想要什么做出假设，而不是努力去了解配偶生活中需要什么。我讲个我的朋友斯科特的故事，他有三个孩子，都未满五岁，最近发生的事情，一天，斯科特下班回家，发现了一个极不寻常的事情——早餐碟还在桌子上，晚餐还没开始煮。他的第一反应是，他的妻子芭芭拉经历了艰难的一天，需要帮助。他一言不发，卷起袖子，收拾好早餐盘子，开始煮晚饭。中途，芭芭拉离开了。斯科特继续为孩子们做晚饭，开始喂他们的时候，突然发现芭芭拉不在了，他自己虽然很累，但是对自己感觉很好，他上楼看他的妻子在不在，他发现她独自一人在卧室里。一天筋疲力尽的工作结束后，还做了那么多家务，他期待能得到妻子的感激。但是芭芭拉却非常生气——生他的气。
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