Welcome to 30 university degrees described in one sentence.
欢迎收看“一句话了解三十个大学学位”。
Let's get started!
那就开始吧！
Half of the time is spent listening to the same person arguing with the lecturer.
一半的时间都用来听同一个人和讲师辩论。
We learn how to create imaginary problems to convenient solutions.
我们学习怎么给原本便捷的方法制造富有想象力的难题。
I don't like spreadsheets, but I like money.
我不喜欢做报表，不过我喜欢钱。
In nine short years I might be doing the job I actually want.
“短短”九年后，我就能做我想做的工作了。
My time is occupied with helping friends with basic computer issues, before unsuccessfully influencing them that Linux is the superior operating system.
我的时间都花在帮朋友解决他们电脑的小问题上了，但最后也没能教会他们Linux是多完美的一个操作系统。
I now understand why I'm attracted to my boyfriend.
现在我终于知道自己为什么会喜欢我的男朋友了。
Welcome to a course that teaches common sense made more complicated with longer words.
欢迎来到一门用更多文字把常识搞复杂后再教授给你的课程。
I'll either find a job at the end of my degree or I'll be the most highly trained criminal known to man.
学完这门课，我要么可以找一份工作，要么也有可能变成受过系统训练的史上最著名罪犯。
I justify my six-figure salary, by comprehending the English language slightly better than everyone else.
我要为我六位数的薪水辩护，只要比别人多了解一点英语就可以了。
I do twice the work and get half the pay of a doctor because I understand 10% less.
我用两倍的工作量领半个医生的工资，只因为他们比我多懂了10%。
I expected to swim with dolphins but I'm now managing a fish farm.
我曾憧憬能和海豚共游，现在却在管理渔场。
I tried doing electrical engineering, but it was too hard.
我也试过学习电机工程，不过太难了。
I'm only studying this to become iron man.
我学这门学科就是为了成为钢铁侠。
I'll never get a job, but at least I know how to make my own.
我永远都找不到工作，不过至少我知道怎么样才能创造工作。
This was my third choice behind law and medicine that my Asian parents would accept.
这是除了法律和医学以外，第三个能被我的亚裔父母接受的选择。
I love animals.
我热爱动物。
I can't wait to put them down all day.
真是“等不及”要整天给他们安乐死了。
I've referenced the entire internet in the last four days.
在过去四天里，整个互联网都是我的参考文献。
I now know how to fix all the world's problems, but no one likes what I have to say.
我现在知道怎么解决全世界的问题了，但却没有人关心我要说的。
In only three years I'll be able to get a minimum-wage job in a Western European country.
只要再过三年，我就能在西欧国家拿到一份最低薪资标准的工作了。
I now be the most qualified person to cry at my computer for hours on end.
我现在就是最有资格对着电脑连续咆哮好几个小时的人。
I'm very boring at parties.
聚会的时候我就是最无趣的人。
I couldn't get into medicine.
我没考上医学专业。
I couldn't get into medicine, but at least everyone in my classes is attractive.
我没考上医学专业，不过至少我们班里的每个人都是俊男靓女。
In this profession human beings are the hardest animal to deal with.
人类就是这个专业里最难研究的动物。
The highlight of my career will be finding a 700 year old male.
我的职业高光便是能发现一具拥有700年历史的男尸。
I'm now able to google problems better than anyone else.
现在，我就是最会用谷歌的人了。
My friends refuse to call me a doctor.
我的朋友都不愿意叫我医生。
Everyone here is either Japanese or owns an extensive katana collection.
学这个专业的不是日本人就是收藏了大量日本武士刀的人。
I'm never getting a job.
我永远都找不到工作。
木小庸
听听总有益